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This is a bad one.
I didn't expect to still be trying to do the disability paperwork from before Christmas but here we are. I have my third appointment with my doctor -- she didn't call like she said she would after the skipped the second appointment, and I just miraculously got this third appointment y calling at a miraculous time -- but I don't know what time it is, so I need to go up at opening because phones won't be reliably answered until after the first couple of appointments. Then I guess I'll stand there and ask when the appointment is, and based on that I'll ask for it to be converted to a phone appointment or I'll stay and wait.
I haven't grieved Avallu yet and I'm still working with Solly, in the house, a five minute walk 4x/day and pills 2x/day. You'd think that wouldn't be a lot but of course for me it's too much. The snow is gone outside and the cats are hunting. They leave that one organ they don't like on the floor in the house, and sometimes the head. I have not had the wherewithal to clean them up. I have just barely managed to keep things going through the dishwasher.
I've been unable to sleep for a couple days due to physical pain, which is very unusual for me. There's something wrong with the way my hips, arms, and fingers are jointed and muscled, and sometimes my skin burns from being in contact with anything. Last night I made dinner, I think sandwiches, set the plate on the stove, and them made roasted cauliflower and potatoes for dinner while being annoyed the stovetop was occupied but somehow now realizing it was occupied with dinner so I didn't need to make myself dinner.
If, after driving to PG three times in a week, first for Avallu and then Solly ($400 in case you're wondering, a little over 12 hours total on the highway, which could have got me one way to Vancouver from here) I had gone to bed and stayed there, I probably would have lost a bit but been ok in the end. Now? I don't know.
And my non-adoptable animal is no longer alive. I was always going to outlive Avallu, to make him as safe and comfortable as I could. Solly and Thea, though, would be an asset to any farm, and unlike the southern US there's a real need for guardian dogs here. The cats also, though Little Bear would be rough. The end of my life would probably be the end of the pigs' lives, no one wants an old boar and sow, but still.
I hadn't realized how much of a difference Avallu made to that calculus. He really really did.
Writing this hurts a lot, my arm muscles are screaming, and I have to be at the doctor's office in two hours. It takes me a long time to get dressed and feed the cats so I should get started. I have a lot more to say about this but it can sit under a warning tag in a future post.
I didn't expect to still be trying to do the disability paperwork from before Christmas but here we are. I have my third appointment with my doctor -- she didn't call like she said she would after the skipped the second appointment, and I just miraculously got this third appointment y calling at a miraculous time -- but I don't know what time it is, so I need to go up at opening because phones won't be reliably answered until after the first couple of appointments. Then I guess I'll stand there and ask when the appointment is, and based on that I'll ask for it to be converted to a phone appointment or I'll stay and wait.
I haven't grieved Avallu yet and I'm still working with Solly, in the house, a five minute walk 4x/day and pills 2x/day. You'd think that wouldn't be a lot but of course for me it's too much. The snow is gone outside and the cats are hunting. They leave that one organ they don't like on the floor in the house, and sometimes the head. I have not had the wherewithal to clean them up. I have just barely managed to keep things going through the dishwasher.
I've been unable to sleep for a couple days due to physical pain, which is very unusual for me. There's something wrong with the way my hips, arms, and fingers are jointed and muscled, and sometimes my skin burns from being in contact with anything. Last night I made dinner, I think sandwiches, set the plate on the stove, and them made roasted cauliflower and potatoes for dinner while being annoyed the stovetop was occupied but somehow now realizing it was occupied with dinner so I didn't need to make myself dinner.
If, after driving to PG three times in a week, first for Avallu and then Solly ($400 in case you're wondering, a little over 12 hours total on the highway, which could have got me one way to Vancouver from here) I had gone to bed and stayed there, I probably would have lost a bit but been ok in the end. Now? I don't know.
And my non-adoptable animal is no longer alive. I was always going to outlive Avallu, to make him as safe and comfortable as I could. Solly and Thea, though, would be an asset to any farm, and unlike the southern US there's a real need for guardian dogs here. The cats also, though Little Bear would be rough. The end of my life would probably be the end of the pigs' lives, no one wants an old boar and sow, but still.
I hadn't realized how much of a difference Avallu made to that calculus. He really really did.
Writing this hurts a lot, my arm muscles are screaming, and I have to be at the doctor's office in two hours. It takes me a long time to get dressed and feed the cats so I should get started. I have a lot more to say about this but it can sit under a warning tag in a future post.
