greenstorm | Joni Mitchell says (Reply)

"And the seasons, they go round and round, and the painted ponies go up and down, we're captive on a carousel of time. We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came and go round and round and round in a circle game."

I've always loved that song.

I'm having a good music 24-hours.

I'm really exhausted, which itself brings on a good feeling. Working hard, playing hard, being in the middle of my own life, this is good. I was talking to Kynnin about this, last night, how sometime in the last year I've given up trying hard to be myself and have simply let myself be. This way there's no effort, the sense of identity rises up strongly out of me, I have no confusion about who I am or what my place is. I can accept that I am relatively memoryless, that the past is a part of me but will be whether I know what it is or not. Chloe said, in my Reiki workshop, that when you do reiki you're like a straw, with the energy of the universe sucking through you. You're not giving of yourself, you're just channelling. I feel like that about being myself, now. I'm not working, I am simply a conduit through which I exist, past, present, and future.

This makes no sense, but I'm tired and reasonably happy.