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greenstormThe race is on, I'm on your side, but hearing you my engines died. I'm in the mood for you, or for running away. All the stars come down in you...
Love is scary stuff, sometimes, like right now.
I'm still tired, my mind kind of staticky so it's hard to think. I'll keep trying random stuff to see if I can fix it. Next on my list is cutting way back on sugar, which I've been eating a ton of lately (relatively). I'm working a lot, and feeling randomly paranoid, but not so badly that I can't deal with it. Today I'm gonna hang out with brother + his girlfriend for a bit, then maybe Kynnin later. There was one day this year when I was sure I was falling out of love with Kynnin, and it hurt like crazy, but no... it was just that one day. Like with everyone, communication with him reminds me.
Juggler's growing, in a sort of metaphysical/mental/emotional sense. It makes him really cute. He's generally been a really standard 'manly man'-type, but he's venturing into new ground lately. We actually spent ten minutes on the phone dancing around a subject, which is something we almost never do. It's not bad, cause I feel comfortable cutting through it whenever I want, and I like to watch him struggle and squirm as much as he's capable of (which isn't much, don't worry).
I got some peppers in the ground last night, and the last of my tomatoes.
I realised awhile ago, and told Juggler the other day, that making money makes me nervous. Making enough money to cover food and rent, sure, you're s'posed to do that. When I make more than that, though, it freaks me out. I feel bad to 'hoard' money, but at the same time I feel terrible spending it on myself (this greenhouse isn't cheap, I'm paying for it just for myself to enjoy). I guess in my mind money is love (sorry, Kynnin) and deciding how to apportion it's a problem given that.
Oh, well. I'll get over it.
I haven't been highly interactive with people lately, which is making me all loving-cuddly-yearning. The type of interaction doesn't matter so much, and I'm not lonely, I just have a positive pull (as opposed to the negative push of loneliness). As Johnny Cash said: Mother nature's quite a lady, but flesh and blood needs flesh and blood. Or something. When the greenhouse is all the way done, I really won't need y'all anymore.
I will keep you around, though. :>
Love is scary stuff, sometimes, like right now.
I'm still tired, my mind kind of staticky so it's hard to think. I'll keep trying random stuff to see if I can fix it. Next on my list is cutting way back on sugar, which I've been eating a ton of lately (relatively). I'm working a lot, and feeling randomly paranoid, but not so badly that I can't deal with it. Today I'm gonna hang out with brother + his girlfriend for a bit, then maybe Kynnin later. There was one day this year when I was sure I was falling out of love with Kynnin, and it hurt like crazy, but no... it was just that one day. Like with everyone, communication with him reminds me.
Juggler's growing, in a sort of metaphysical/mental/emotional sense. It makes him really cute. He's generally been a really standard 'manly man'-type, but he's venturing into new ground lately. We actually spent ten minutes on the phone dancing around a subject, which is something we almost never do. It's not bad, cause I feel comfortable cutting through it whenever I want, and I like to watch him struggle and squirm as much as he's capable of (which isn't much, don't worry).
I got some peppers in the ground last night, and the last of my tomatoes.
I realised awhile ago, and told Juggler the other day, that making money makes me nervous. Making enough money to cover food and rent, sure, you're s'posed to do that. When I make more than that, though, it freaks me out. I feel bad to 'hoard' money, but at the same time I feel terrible spending it on myself (this greenhouse isn't cheap, I'm paying for it just for myself to enjoy). I guess in my mind money is love (sorry, Kynnin) and deciding how to apportion it's a problem given that.
Oh, well. I'll get over it.
I haven't been highly interactive with people lately, which is making me all loving-cuddly-yearning. The type of interaction doesn't matter so much, and I'm not lonely, I just have a positive pull (as opposed to the negative push of loneliness). As Johnny Cash said: Mother nature's quite a lady, but flesh and blood needs flesh and blood. Or something. When the greenhouse is all the way done, I really won't need y'all anymore.
I will keep you around, though. :>
