Exhalation
May. 17th, 2006 09:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormDamn. You know, you really can make the world right again when it messes up. You really can.
So, since cryptic stuff is designed specifically to pique curiosity (isn't it? If not, why post publically?) I figure I'll actually explain what happened. It's easy. I am, however, really tired, so I'll get to it tomorrow while doing laundry and cooking tomato masala. Long and short, I'm reclaiming control of my sexual interactions rather than ceding that control to others.
The most important part of all this, though, is that it's all good. I don't know what everything else is going to turn out like, but I've found my centre and it's holding. I feel wonderful. I feel strong, and true to myself, and not distorted. I feel free, and I also feel free of worry. I'm not dancing along a breaking point anymore, or trying very hard to do something very hard. Instead I'm living like breathing-- well, at least here, on day one.
I wish I could convey this sensation of being free from ownership either way. It makes me happy.
Other news: it's very hot. The rats aren't happy about this. I think they're shedding more than usual, which is making Tillie's lungs not happy. I'm friggin' tired from sorting things out over the last couple of days but rat cage maintenance is done and rats are bathed.
I've been looking and feeling fabulous for the last week or so. My clothing loves me.
I'm still only eating two small meals max per day. I suppose this is because I'm photosynthesizing. I'm a little worried, but hey. I'm not feeling faint/etc yet. I did grab a summer kit from MEC today, a flask and some gatorade powder and a purse to carry it all in, so I can sip out of a flask suspiciously all the time. Yay eccentricities.
I'd love to be curled up with someone's arm around me right now, but it's too early for anyone else to be going to bed, and the music is almost as good. Besides, I'm not lonely. I'm here.
Wow. This is such a step for me. I've been trying to pretend I don't need to make it since about three months into dating Kynnin, about ten years ago. Time to buy myself the slut collar at the next Sin, perhaps, in celebration. Either way, yeah. Love y'all, and be well.
So, since cryptic stuff is designed specifically to pique curiosity (isn't it? If not, why post publically?) I figure I'll actually explain what happened. It's easy. I am, however, really tired, so I'll get to it tomorrow while doing laundry and cooking tomato masala. Long and short, I'm reclaiming control of my sexual interactions rather than ceding that control to others.
The most important part of all this, though, is that it's all good. I don't know what everything else is going to turn out like, but I've found my centre and it's holding. I feel wonderful. I feel strong, and true to myself, and not distorted. I feel free, and I also feel free of worry. I'm not dancing along a breaking point anymore, or trying very hard to do something very hard. Instead I'm living like breathing-- well, at least here, on day one.
I wish I could convey this sensation of being free from ownership either way. It makes me happy.
Other news: it's very hot. The rats aren't happy about this. I think they're shedding more than usual, which is making Tillie's lungs not happy. I'm friggin' tired from sorting things out over the last couple of days but rat cage maintenance is done and rats are bathed.
I've been looking and feeling fabulous for the last week or so. My clothing loves me.
I'm still only eating two small meals max per day. I suppose this is because I'm photosynthesizing. I'm a little worried, but hey. I'm not feeling faint/etc yet. I did grab a summer kit from MEC today, a flask and some gatorade powder and a purse to carry it all in, so I can sip out of a flask suspiciously all the time. Yay eccentricities.
I'd love to be curled up with someone's arm around me right now, but it's too early for anyone else to be going to bed, and the music is almost as good. Besides, I'm not lonely. I'm here.
Wow. This is such a step for me. I've been trying to pretend I don't need to make it since about three months into dating Kynnin, about ten years ago. Time to buy myself the slut collar at the next Sin, perhaps, in celebration. Either way, yeah. Love y'all, and be well.
