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greenstormWell, here's a night.
Off early, by surprise. Time. Friday night, everyone's at a party, but given the amount of stuff I've been doing over the last while I think being around too many people at once would make me scream. Note this isn't too long after a discussion with Angus about how I loved crowds, and the fireworks.
Seem to have been successful in switching a bunch of my avoidance behaviours from poly to workaholism. Getting the saying-no stuff down, but not fixed the keeping-too-busy-to-think thing yet that comes in surges. If you've dated me you'll know what I mean. Gives one to think, hm? What's under that lid?
Now that I'm working nearly all the time and getting super-awesome food at work (well, at one work) my grocery bills are pretty much nothing and I don't have to spend time cooking. Niiiice. Plus coming home with oyster fennel soup.
I'm super emo tonight, likely cause of this unexpected free time. It really does give me to think. I mean, I go into high gear to deal with these 12-hour workdays (+2 hours transit +.5 hour transit buffer + couple of hours laundry and rat maintenance every two days) and so some sort of a crash is perhaps expected when there's nothing to turn the energy *to*, but it's always such an emotional drop. I should re-cut my grown-out emo bangs. I'm allowed to have a hairstyle at work and it doesn't get in the way, it's exciting!
The house is empty tonight. The music is helping to stabilise my mood-- I love how that works. I discovered a new tool in the mood-control kit too, which is simply counting to thirty when the sharp of a crazy-episode sets in. Remember those? Lasted about two hours? Yeah, well.
Tonight I got my face painted at work-- snowflake on one side, butterfly on the other. Makes me happy. Face-painted guy says: you don't have to paint well as long as you use lots of glitter! Me: A man after my own heart!
Yeah, do I have more to say? It's just *weird* how sometimes I'll just fly in and out through my house, not touching the kitchen, and sometimes it'll go for three days without being touched. I mean, I swear not a single dish is made or cleaned. Sometimes, of course, that's not the case.
Now that I'm super-busy people want me to garden for them. Grrr! Money is good, but I may well just literally not have the time. Gotta do it during daylight, after all.
I'm running closer to my surface than I have in a long time. More is coming out here that's meaningful, my heart is easier to break, I flip around more often, my fears are more of a force in my brain and less of an abstraction.
I refuse to put off eating dinner any longer.
Off early, by surprise. Time. Friday night, everyone's at a party, but given the amount of stuff I've been doing over the last while I think being around too many people at once would make me scream. Note this isn't too long after a discussion with Angus about how I loved crowds, and the fireworks.
Seem to have been successful in switching a bunch of my avoidance behaviours from poly to workaholism. Getting the saying-no stuff down, but not fixed the keeping-too-busy-to-think thing yet that comes in surges. If you've dated me you'll know what I mean. Gives one to think, hm? What's under that lid?
Now that I'm working nearly all the time and getting super-awesome food at work (well, at one work) my grocery bills are pretty much nothing and I don't have to spend time cooking. Niiiice. Plus coming home with oyster fennel soup.
I'm super emo tonight, likely cause of this unexpected free time. It really does give me to think. I mean, I go into high gear to deal with these 12-hour workdays (+2 hours transit +.5 hour transit buffer + couple of hours laundry and rat maintenance every two days) and so some sort of a crash is perhaps expected when there's nothing to turn the energy *to*, but it's always such an emotional drop. I should re-cut my grown-out emo bangs. I'm allowed to have a hairstyle at work and it doesn't get in the way, it's exciting!
The house is empty tonight. The music is helping to stabilise my mood-- I love how that works. I discovered a new tool in the mood-control kit too, which is simply counting to thirty when the sharp of a crazy-episode sets in. Remember those? Lasted about two hours? Yeah, well.
Tonight I got my face painted at work-- snowflake on one side, butterfly on the other. Makes me happy. Face-painted guy says: you don't have to paint well as long as you use lots of glitter! Me: A man after my own heart!
Yeah, do I have more to say? It's just *weird* how sometimes I'll just fly in and out through my house, not touching the kitchen, and sometimes it'll go for three days without being touched. I mean, I swear not a single dish is made or cleaned. Sometimes, of course, that's not the case.
Now that I'm super-busy people want me to garden for them. Grrr! Money is good, but I may well just literally not have the time. Gotta do it during daylight, after all.
I'm running closer to my surface than I have in a long time. More is coming out here that's meaningful, my heart is easier to break, I flip around more often, my fears are more of a force in my brain and less of an abstraction.
I refuse to put off eating dinner any longer.
