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Nov. 28th, 2003 04:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormIt's soggy out today. I'm sure everyone knows that already -- some may have been through the flooded bits of street -- but I got to go stand in it for awhile waiting for busses.
I've dicovered the weak points in my rain-armour. The biggest is my purse -- my coat is waterproof, my hat is waterproof, and my purse rests outside all that. Second is shoes, but we knew I needed new shoes anyhow. Third is the fur at the neck of my coat.
The coat itself is waterproof, though it gets a little chilly when wet (maybe a scotchguard would let the water bead better, and not stay to chill) but it has fur at the neck and wrists which catches water and then turns in against my skin when I move. Not fun.
I don't know whether it's the rain and the dark today or something else, bug I'm being dogged in the last day or two by a persistent sense of disconnection. You may have noticed it in some of my aside comments in the last few entries, and it's starting to manifest now more as irritation and anger.
I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. They aren't any fun, certainly, but they won't stay on the back burner or out of sight. I'm not sure what in them is legitimate and what's not, and I don't know that I can accept that they're not grounded in any sort of reality. I don't know what's triggering them, though, where they're coming from.
Certainly I'm living a lot more in my own head lately, with in general fewer people to talk to. I think the worst part about this kind of episode is that what I really need to do is to sit down and talk it out with someone who has time to listen, but neither I nor anyone else has much time lately.
I'm going to visit Estrellada tonight. It's nice to talk with her, and I'll probably come home feeling better, either loosened or soothed, able to either forcibly corner people to talk or soothed. This kind of 'poly' makes me uneasy, though. I worry about the balance between getting my needs met outside my relationships and inside them.
I realise I go through this sort of thing maybe once a week or once every two weeks, come to think of it. I should think about what that means -- I should reevaluate the relationships -- hey, is this sounding familiar already?
Bah. Sometimes writing clears things up. Now I realise that I'm just going in circles, and it's frustrating. I know where I want to be. Maybe I should reevaluate my methods of getting there? Maybe I should reevaluate the destination? The speed with which I expect to progress? Because this really is an oft-repeated hangup.
Well, that's enough of that. Take care, and have a good evening.
I've dicovered the weak points in my rain-armour. The biggest is my purse -- my coat is waterproof, my hat is waterproof, and my purse rests outside all that. Second is shoes, but we knew I needed new shoes anyhow. Third is the fur at the neck of my coat.
The coat itself is waterproof, though it gets a little chilly when wet (maybe a scotchguard would let the water bead better, and not stay to chill) but it has fur at the neck and wrists which catches water and then turns in against my skin when I move. Not fun.
I don't know whether it's the rain and the dark today or something else, bug I'm being dogged in the last day or two by a persistent sense of disconnection. You may have noticed it in some of my aside comments in the last few entries, and it's starting to manifest now more as irritation and anger.
I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. They aren't any fun, certainly, but they won't stay on the back burner or out of sight. I'm not sure what in them is legitimate and what's not, and I don't know that I can accept that they're not grounded in any sort of reality. I don't know what's triggering them, though, where they're coming from.
Certainly I'm living a lot more in my own head lately, with in general fewer people to talk to. I think the worst part about this kind of episode is that what I really need to do is to sit down and talk it out with someone who has time to listen, but neither I nor anyone else has much time lately.
I'm going to visit Estrellada tonight. It's nice to talk with her, and I'll probably come home feeling better, either loosened or soothed, able to either forcibly corner people to talk or soothed. This kind of 'poly' makes me uneasy, though. I worry about the balance between getting my needs met outside my relationships and inside them.
I realise I go through this sort of thing maybe once a week or once every two weeks, come to think of it. I should think about what that means -- I should reevaluate the relationships -- hey, is this sounding familiar already?
Bah. Sometimes writing clears things up. Now I realise that I'm just going in circles, and it's frustrating. I know where I want to be. Maybe I should reevaluate my methods of getting there? Maybe I should reevaluate the destination? The speed with which I expect to progress? Because this really is an oft-repeated hangup.
Well, that's enough of that. Take care, and have a good evening.
