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greenstormI am so tired.
I'm not quite sure how many days it's been since I got a real, full night's sleep but since that mythical time I've worked at least seven days straight, started a new job which involves manual labour, bit the inside of my lip open in a mosh pit, had a lot of sex, been angry, hallucinated due to sheer tiredness on multiple occasions, and even smiled some. Tonight if I'm not asleep by ten I might as well give up on the rest of the week.
This morning was a black morning. I was up too late last night, this being entirely the fault of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
epictetus_rex's awesome band, and I drank some-- not much, but enough to bring the black down. I've talked a little bit about some of my old depression stuff on here. This is one I still get occasionally. It's coupled with a foul mood, but it manifests as an inability to see colour or light. The information still filters into my brain -- this is purple, it's sunny this morning -- but I don't experience the feeling of colour, I don't /see/ it. Luckily my sense of smell never kicks out, and walking through a park full of blooms this morning helped knock me out of the bad.
Gotta say, I really love my friends, but I need to spend less time with the ones who are hurt, damaged, and/or depressed until I get back on my feet. This means, essentially, spending time with a whole different set of people. Everyone seems to be having relationship issues and it's hitting some harder than others. Some have more choice in their romantic trainwrecks than others. Still, for my own sake I need ot be around people who interact in non-broken ways, and who talk about other things than how messed up they are right now.
Did I mention how nice it was to get away and talk to Ellen for a bit?
Now for hopefully a backrub, and then sleep.
I'm not quite sure how many days it's been since I got a real, full night's sleep but since that mythical time I've worked at least seven days straight, started a new job which involves manual labour, bit the inside of my lip open in a mosh pit, had a lot of sex, been angry, hallucinated due to sheer tiredness on multiple occasions, and even smiled some. Tonight if I'm not asleep by ten I might as well give up on the rest of the week.
This morning was a black morning. I was up too late last night, this being entirely the fault of
epictetus_rex's awesome band, and I drank some-- not much, but enough to bring the black down. I've talked a little bit about some of my old depression stuff on here. This is one I still get occasionally. It's coupled with a foul mood, but it manifests as an inability to see colour or light. The information still filters into my brain -- this is purple, it's sunny this morning -- but I don't experience the feeling of colour, I don't /see/ it. Luckily my sense of smell never kicks out, and walking through a park full of blooms this morning helped knock me out of the bad.Gotta say, I really love my friends, but I need to spend less time with the ones who are hurt, damaged, and/or depressed until I get back on my feet. This means, essentially, spending time with a whole different set of people. Everyone seems to be having relationship issues and it's hitting some harder than others. Some have more choice in their romantic trainwrecks than others. Still, for my own sake I need ot be around people who interact in non-broken ways, and who talk about other things than how messed up they are right now.
Did I mention how nice it was to get away and talk to Ellen for a bit?
Now for hopefully a backrub, and then sleep.
