State of the Greenie
Apr. 16th, 2008 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormYou know, 'me' is kind of a slippery thing, but there are a lot of similarities between me now and me, say, five years ago or ten years ago or fifteen.
I'm paying a little more attention to me now than previously; not in the reactive/external sense (how do these things effect me and what should I do differently?) but more in the active/internal sense (what do I like to do, what do I want to keep in my life, and how shall I do that?). Fair enough, right? I guess it's a being-single thing insofar as there's just no specific other person to focus it on, and you know, it's about time anyhow.
So who am I right now? I'm well into a chaotic phase. For the last three years or so I've been very stable, not going super high emotionally and not swinging so low. I've been learning to take care of myself, learning to seek out situations I like and leave situations I don't behind, thus making myself a lot happier with life in general (leaving a job you dislike for a job you like a couple of times in a row puts you in a job you really like, you know? Ditto social situations, though I'm still working on that one). Now I'm throwing caution a little to the winds and trying some riskier things and some harder things. Reviews are mixed, but I think for the most part positive.
I had forgotten how crazy I can be, though. I'd managed to convince even myself that I'm sane, but genes will tell someday: my biological dad ran off into the bush in Florida and lived there for a year or two before he was (institutionalised?) and I can feel that pull. My father-by-nurture (if you can call what he did nurture) is also pretty crazy, though he's never been formally locked up.
On the other hand, my mother is crazy in kind of the opposite way, with a sense of social and personal responsibility that maybe balances out the dads'. So who knows?
Er, that was tangental.
I'm a gardener. That much will always be true of me, though I've been nkown to take breaks where I have only a couple of houseplants and no outdoor soil. I'm a permaculturalist with a botanical bent. I have a lot of knowledge about plants, especially about permacultural methods and edible plants and native plants. I can talk peoples' ears off at the subject and anyone who can reciprocate in any way fills me with joy. This skillset is rapidly expanding to include survivalist skills. I'll be ready when it all goes down!
I'm a writer. I've been writing nearly daily for the last nine years, though only interactive fiction, documentation, and this blog have been regular. It's a thing I do, though, and a way I think-- look how long I've been writing here! And look how much joy I take from it!
I'm a bit of a sex goddess. The hardest part about being single right now is *definitely* the lack of sex. It's one of my big three hobbies (along with gardening and relationships) and it branches out into all the kink stuff I do (which is constantly changing, but recently involved things like pain and service topping, play piercing on both sides, pain and noncon bottoming, and I'd love to get into some puppy play and humilitation situations, but you know, it's all in the individual chemistry). But yeah, kink isn't all of it or even necessarily part of it-- the seduction/predatory dance is awesome, just plain fucking is awesome, and while I was doing the laundry today I caught myself composing a roommate wanted ad: available for occasional cocksucking, no strings attached. I love seeing how different people respond, I love the variety and intimacy and playfulness of sex, and I love how you can sink deep into it and have the experience swallow you up both physically and mentally. I love that it's a celebration of each other(s).
I'm a worshipper and an en-joy-er. I believe very firmly that the world is full of wonderful experiences, things that are deeply affecting and things that are lovely and things that awe super-amazing-awesome and things that are neat and complicated and sinple and generally feel good to the body and brain and soul. I have never yet had that disproven. I believe that because the world is given to us (the by-whom or hows are unimportant to me) we have some sort of moral imperative to enjoy it. So, I try to as best I can, and I try to help others see good things in it too. I dance because being in my body is such a joy.
I'm a critic and an analyst. When something happens my first reaction is to think about it, to pick it apart and see how it fits in with things and whether it's good and whether it could be done better. My first reaction isn't generally to just enjoy a thing, though sometimes I come to that point where my first response is to be in the experience. I make an effort to keep this one in balance, but it's definitely a personality trait.
I'm a lover. I love people. They're super-complex, an endlessly captivating play of lights and darks and shadings and quirks that are occasionally replicated in detail but never in the full pattern. There is something so totally compelling about people. I like hearing different viewpoints, I love seeing what different people do with themselves and how they live their lives. I also love it when people smile.
As an outgrowth of permaculture and edible-food-stuff and loving to make people smile, I'm a cook. This is another one of those complex-system activities that has variable start and end conditions each time (much like gardening or sex: different weather and sites or ingredients and impliments or bodies and brains go in and the outcome should have this look or those sets of flavours or whatever). I love food. I love the sensualism of it, and I love the process of figuring out how to make it, and how to make it appropriate to situations.
I love complex systems.
I like having control of some things, and completely surrendering control in others. I'm an extremist any way you look at it. Moderation is extremely difficult for me. ;)
I adore being taken care of. I like people doing things for me: cooking for me or showing up with a plant from a nursery or just sending me a smile by text message, any bits of thoughtfulness or effort directed my way. I eat it right up.
I love... you know, I love food, and I've been writing for quite some time through dinner. Be well, guys, and I'm gonna go eat. Do you think anything I've written is accurate or inaccurate, btw?
I'm paying a little more attention to me now than previously; not in the reactive/external sense (how do these things effect me and what should I do differently?) but more in the active/internal sense (what do I like to do, what do I want to keep in my life, and how shall I do that?). Fair enough, right? I guess it's a being-single thing insofar as there's just no specific other person to focus it on, and you know, it's about time anyhow.
So who am I right now? I'm well into a chaotic phase. For the last three years or so I've been very stable, not going super high emotionally and not swinging so low. I've been learning to take care of myself, learning to seek out situations I like and leave situations I don't behind, thus making myself a lot happier with life in general (leaving a job you dislike for a job you like a couple of times in a row puts you in a job you really like, you know? Ditto social situations, though I'm still working on that one). Now I'm throwing caution a little to the winds and trying some riskier things and some harder things. Reviews are mixed, but I think for the most part positive.
I had forgotten how crazy I can be, though. I'd managed to convince even myself that I'm sane, but genes will tell someday: my biological dad ran off into the bush in Florida and lived there for a year or two before he was (institutionalised?) and I can feel that pull. My father-by-nurture (if you can call what he did nurture) is also pretty crazy, though he's never been formally locked up.
On the other hand, my mother is crazy in kind of the opposite way, with a sense of social and personal responsibility that maybe balances out the dads'. So who knows?
Er, that was tangental.
I'm a gardener. That much will always be true of me, though I've been nkown to take breaks where I have only a couple of houseplants and no outdoor soil. I'm a permaculturalist with a botanical bent. I have a lot of knowledge about plants, especially about permacultural methods and edible plants and native plants. I can talk peoples' ears off at the subject and anyone who can reciprocate in any way fills me with joy. This skillset is rapidly expanding to include survivalist skills. I'll be ready when it all goes down!
I'm a writer. I've been writing nearly daily for the last nine years, though only interactive fiction, documentation, and this blog have been regular. It's a thing I do, though, and a way I think-- look how long I've been writing here! And look how much joy I take from it!
I'm a bit of a sex goddess. The hardest part about being single right now is *definitely* the lack of sex. It's one of my big three hobbies (along with gardening and relationships) and it branches out into all the kink stuff I do (which is constantly changing, but recently involved things like pain and service topping, play piercing on both sides, pain and noncon bottoming, and I'd love to get into some puppy play and humilitation situations, but you know, it's all in the individual chemistry). But yeah, kink isn't all of it or even necessarily part of it-- the seduction/predatory dance is awesome, just plain fucking is awesome, and while I was doing the laundry today I caught myself composing a roommate wanted ad: available for occasional cocksucking, no strings attached. I love seeing how different people respond, I love the variety and intimacy and playfulness of sex, and I love how you can sink deep into it and have the experience swallow you up both physically and mentally. I love that it's a celebration of each other(s).
I'm a worshipper and an en-joy-er. I believe very firmly that the world is full of wonderful experiences, things that are deeply affecting and things that are lovely and things that awe super-amazing-awesome and things that are neat and complicated and sinple and generally feel good to the body and brain and soul. I have never yet had that disproven. I believe that because the world is given to us (the by-whom or hows are unimportant to me) we have some sort of moral imperative to enjoy it. So, I try to as best I can, and I try to help others see good things in it too. I dance because being in my body is such a joy.
I'm a critic and an analyst. When something happens my first reaction is to think about it, to pick it apart and see how it fits in with things and whether it's good and whether it could be done better. My first reaction isn't generally to just enjoy a thing, though sometimes I come to that point where my first response is to be in the experience. I make an effort to keep this one in balance, but it's definitely a personality trait.
I'm a lover. I love people. They're super-complex, an endlessly captivating play of lights and darks and shadings and quirks that are occasionally replicated in detail but never in the full pattern. There is something so totally compelling about people. I like hearing different viewpoints, I love seeing what different people do with themselves and how they live their lives. I also love it when people smile.
As an outgrowth of permaculture and edible-food-stuff and loving to make people smile, I'm a cook. This is another one of those complex-system activities that has variable start and end conditions each time (much like gardening or sex: different weather and sites or ingredients and impliments or bodies and brains go in and the outcome should have this look or those sets of flavours or whatever). I love food. I love the sensualism of it, and I love the process of figuring out how to make it, and how to make it appropriate to situations.
I love complex systems.
I like having control of some things, and completely surrendering control in others. I'm an extremist any way you look at it. Moderation is extremely difficult for me. ;)
I adore being taken care of. I like people doing things for me: cooking for me or showing up with a plant from a nursery or just sending me a smile by text message, any bits of thoughtfulness or effort directed my way. I eat it right up.
I love... you know, I love food, and I've been writing for quite some time through dinner. Be well, guys, and I'm gonna go eat. Do you think anything I've written is accurate or inaccurate, btw?
