Inspiration.
Mar. 20th, 2009 11:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormSo it was because Kynnin showed up in quiver on okcupid. And Marvin is on the internet but far away, and he loves me-- that's what triggered the whole thing. Such different worlds of distance.
...and oh, such distance. Such distance. I have never been further from anyone than I have been from Kynnin, except maybe my dad.
It makes me wonder about love, and zen breakups, and everything along those lines really. What do we mean by love if we tell someone we love them and we feel... something ....but are not willing to do anything for them, to do anything about it, to let it influence our actions in any way? We need more words in our language: tenderness, desire, kinship, cameraderie, protectiveness, nostalgia. We need to use these words instead of love when they are what we mean instead of love. We need to recognise them in ourselves and not take the lazy blanket-word way out.
And I need to fucking get over Kynnin already, whatever that means. Just... I don't want to cry because of him ever again. Bits of golden nostalgia, bits of pissiness, sure. No more tears though.
...and oh, such distance. Such distance. I have never been further from anyone than I have been from Kynnin, except maybe my dad.
It makes me wonder about love, and zen breakups, and everything along those lines really. What do we mean by love if we tell someone we love them and we feel... something ....but are not willing to do anything for them, to do anything about it, to let it influence our actions in any way? We need more words in our language: tenderness, desire, kinship, cameraderie, protectiveness, nostalgia. We need to use these words instead of love when they are what we mean instead of love. We need to recognise them in ourselves and not take the lazy blanket-word way out.
And I need to fucking get over Kynnin already, whatever that means. Just... I don't want to cry because of him ever again. Bits of golden nostalgia, bits of pissiness, sure. No more tears though.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 09:42 am (UTC)Good plan ... *hug*
no subject
Date: 2009-03-22 02:10 am (UTC)Maybe it isn't really getting over Kynnin. Talking from a distance, and maybe not making sense. But maybe it's what's inside you that you're not actually 'over', not feelings about Kynnin. That may just be the thing that brings it back to your awareness.