Rollercoastery
Aug. 10th, 2009 08:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI can never tell if fuck-and-kill week is kicking in early, if it's just kicking in cause it's time, or if life really is conspiring. I've added a new lover to the mix, so that could jump-start things... it could just be a long bad stretch this week... or it could be that the wonderful and the maddening are just mixed in my life and there's not much to be said about it.
I want to go for a half-naked rainy bike ride around stanley park at midnight. Fast. I think that would fix things. I know I'm not going to drag myself out to get it done.
Work is back to being work and not a vacation. This is both good and bad. Weather &c have conspired so that I was essentially doing a fall cleanup today-- cutting back perennials, turfing out annuals, raking and clipping. It was raining-- it would stop for a breath, but it alternated between gentle shower and heavy dripping fog most of the day.
There's a period around 10 or 11am where it's especially wonderful working in the rain. All the mud has washed off your rain gear (fall cleanups are essentially clean work; there's not a lot of digging or weeding, cause you've been weeding all summer) and clear water is running down all over your body. Things are quiet, all rush-hour and kid things are gone, most clients are gone and the ones that remain are chill. Today this particular client brought me out a cup of tea (she asked how I liked it; I said weak, plain)and some brownies. I sat under the eves on a chair that faced the whole world: out over north van, across the misty outlines of city and mountain. Rain fell. To me rain always looks silver, and when it sheets gently I can hear that silvery hiss of rain hitting the ocean even if there's no water nearby. I can hear it even when the actual sound is taps as the rain falls on leaves and grass. Today, I would not have traded my job for anything in the world, ever, and I would have done it even were I not being paid.
Tonight Angus is much later than we'd discussed returning from Shambhala. I'm expecting him an hour or two before I need to leave for work in the morning, and it's likely a cellphone reception issue but he's not returning my text messages beyond the first one I sent. I spent all day waiting for that first text for him to say he was leaving, and got it as I finished my ten hour day. Now it's about bedtime, and still nothing more. I don't mind not communicating with someone, when you come right down to it, but I hate -waiting- for it. I think I should ditch the cell for a landline sometimes. Sometimes I even think it seriously.
It's probably a function of the time of month and the amount of caffeine I've had lately that I'd much rather meet that boy with a 2x4 to the head than a pair of invitingly spread legs-- though I guess, to be honest, those impulses aren't too far removed from each other in the chaos of my brain.
I lost two rats this week. It's funny, the heat is supposed to be very hard on them, but Bullet and Inaniel both waited till it cooled down, and I didn't lose anyone in the heat. Both were a little unexpected, though they were just reaching the age where it -shouldn't be- unexpected. I'm putting some pairs together in the hopes of a couple more litters in this cool weather, but my heart isn't really in it. In three weeks, if any babies come out of it, things will be better. This is assuming no repeat of the Corn Pops saga or anything like it.
There's a mulberry tree on Union between Princvess and Heatley. This would normally make me super happy, but I'm just kind of blah about it right now. Rain is not helping. Blah blah whine complain yadda blah.
I have lots of raspberries and blueberries in the freezer for the winter. I have lamb hearts super low in the oven to cook overnight, for tomorrow's lunch. The bedsheets are clean. My rats love me. I did the crossword in ten minutes this morning with no mistakes. I got figs from a client today and they are like everything wonderful: sex and honey rolled up together. I just climbed out of a nice hot bath. All will be well with the world soon, Greenie. Relax.
I want to go for a half-naked rainy bike ride around stanley park at midnight. Fast. I think that would fix things. I know I'm not going to drag myself out to get it done.
Work is back to being work and not a vacation. This is both good and bad. Weather &c have conspired so that I was essentially doing a fall cleanup today-- cutting back perennials, turfing out annuals, raking and clipping. It was raining-- it would stop for a breath, but it alternated between gentle shower and heavy dripping fog most of the day.
There's a period around 10 or 11am where it's especially wonderful working in the rain. All the mud has washed off your rain gear (fall cleanups are essentially clean work; there's not a lot of digging or weeding, cause you've been weeding all summer) and clear water is running down all over your body. Things are quiet, all rush-hour and kid things are gone, most clients are gone and the ones that remain are chill. Today this particular client brought me out a cup of tea (she asked how I liked it; I said weak, plain)and some brownies. I sat under the eves on a chair that faced the whole world: out over north van, across the misty outlines of city and mountain. Rain fell. To me rain always looks silver, and when it sheets gently I can hear that silvery hiss of rain hitting the ocean even if there's no water nearby. I can hear it even when the actual sound is taps as the rain falls on leaves and grass. Today, I would not have traded my job for anything in the world, ever, and I would have done it even were I not being paid.
Tonight Angus is much later than we'd discussed returning from Shambhala. I'm expecting him an hour or two before I need to leave for work in the morning, and it's likely a cellphone reception issue but he's not returning my text messages beyond the first one I sent. I spent all day waiting for that first text for him to say he was leaving, and got it as I finished my ten hour day. Now it's about bedtime, and still nothing more. I don't mind not communicating with someone, when you come right down to it, but I hate -waiting- for it. I think I should ditch the cell for a landline sometimes. Sometimes I even think it seriously.
It's probably a function of the time of month and the amount of caffeine I've had lately that I'd much rather meet that boy with a 2x4 to the head than a pair of invitingly spread legs-- though I guess, to be honest, those impulses aren't too far removed from each other in the chaos of my brain.
I lost two rats this week. It's funny, the heat is supposed to be very hard on them, but Bullet and Inaniel both waited till it cooled down, and I didn't lose anyone in the heat. Both were a little unexpected, though they were just reaching the age where it -shouldn't be- unexpected. I'm putting some pairs together in the hopes of a couple more litters in this cool weather, but my heart isn't really in it. In three weeks, if any babies come out of it, things will be better. This is assuming no repeat of the Corn Pops saga or anything like it.
There's a mulberry tree on Union between Princvess and Heatley. This would normally make me super happy, but I'm just kind of blah about it right now. Rain is not helping. Blah blah whine complain yadda blah.
I have lots of raspberries and blueberries in the freezer for the winter. I have lamb hearts super low in the oven to cook overnight, for tomorrow's lunch. The bedsheets are clean. My rats love me. I did the crossword in ten minutes this morning with no mistakes. I got figs from a client today and they are like everything wonderful: sex and honey rolled up together. I just climbed out of a nice hot bath. All will be well with the world soon, Greenie. Relax.
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-11 07:55 am (UTC)Cellphone reception at Shambles is indeed terrible (a message I sent Thursday night went through Saturday morning).
Feel better, kiddo.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 02:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 06:28 pm (UTC)