Oh, Spring!
Jan. 15th, 2004 05:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormOh! Oh, life, oh joy, oh beauty, oh wakefulness after a long sleep! Oh, every God, every sunbeam, every stirring of living air! Oh sunrise, oh brightness, oh bare ground from which everything leaps without pausing for breath! Oh, spring, when there is no darkness, no emptiness, no hollow, no rest, no peace, no solace, no stillness, no past. Oh, relentless, driving spring, I had forgotten you, and now you have found me, and I am caught up within you without a hope of recovery until you surrender me to the lazy rest of summer.
I had forgotten that this happens, every spring. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think, I am barely self-conscious. It's like being in love, it's being on with that vibrating, grinding manic joy that love produces. I can't stop talking, I can't stop smiling, I can't stop staring at everything, I can't stop fucking, I can't stop at all. Everything is portentous, everything is precious, everything is future and present.
It happens every year, and every year I forget. This year it is stronger and more sudden than before. It began yesterday, with a feeling of looming change that was like a solid stone wall preventing me from feeling what would happen next. I couldn't sleep last night, even the Juggler fell asleep while I was talking about everything and anything. And then, today, this afternoon, I stepped out into it. I stepped out into the spring breeze, and I remembered the bulbs starting up at TOH, and there was the sun and the water near Kits, and then the sun setting and Chinatown, and it is spring.
I can't believe I had forgotten.
No year is the same as any other. Every year buds in the beginning, petals forming deep within the protective curl of embryonic leaves, swelling bigger and bigger. The leaves will spring out in due time, the petals will unfurl in their season, but the first green shoots stir now.
It really is a new year. It is a new season. Welcome, and may it be your most deeply fulfilling time yet.
I had forgotten that this happens, every spring. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think, I am barely self-conscious. It's like being in love, it's being on with that vibrating, grinding manic joy that love produces. I can't stop talking, I can't stop smiling, I can't stop staring at everything, I can't stop fucking, I can't stop at all. Everything is portentous, everything is precious, everything is future and present.
It happens every year, and every year I forget. This year it is stronger and more sudden than before. It began yesterday, with a feeling of looming change that was like a solid stone wall preventing me from feeling what would happen next. I couldn't sleep last night, even the Juggler fell asleep while I was talking about everything and anything. And then, today, this afternoon, I stepped out into it. I stepped out into the spring breeze, and I remembered the bulbs starting up at TOH, and there was the sun and the water near Kits, and then the sun setting and Chinatown, and it is spring.
I can't believe I had forgotten.
No year is the same as any other. Every year buds in the beginning, petals forming deep within the protective curl of embryonic leaves, swelling bigger and bigger. The leaves will spring out in due time, the petals will unfurl in their season, but the first green shoots stir now.
It really is a new year. It is a new season. Welcome, and may it be your most deeply fulfilling time yet.
