Tired and Happy.
Jan. 18th, 2004 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormSoooo.... man. It's been a long time since I've posted. Hooked up with Trevor today, we wandered around Chinatown and I got the second nicest ink landscape scroll ever. I couldn't afford the nicest. He got a bunch that I couldn't afford -- I'll go visit them at his house, and stare at them there.
Went out to dinner, him and the group, which was just... nice. Everyone all together, and chatting ever so slightly uncomfortably I think, but a bunch of people I cared about all in the same place and not unhappy. I can deal with repeats of that.
I'm also exhausted. I've been pulling about four hours of sleep a night lately due to my body's auto-on switch that wakes it up at 8:30 am no matter what and the large amounts of late night stuff I've been doing lately. Actually, last night I was up till five, which allowed me to sleep in till 10:30am. Heh.
Tonight, I'll sleep. I think I can sleep in in my own bed fairly well, and I haven't got any specific time I need to be in to work tomorrow, though I should leave the house before 2pm. Isn't that a beautiful schedule?
I am amazed and astounded by my ability to love many people in many ways, all at once. Trevor really brought this home to me. Our relationship is (atm) in no way sexual, but he's really important to me. And that important niceness is totally unique. And I'm sitting there at the dinner table, and I look at TOW and at the SO and at the Juggler, and there's that same strong caring, that importance, and in a unique way for each.
I used to be so frightened that I could feel this way, that feeling like this I would somehow slip and do something wrong, that feeling like this was a betrayal in the first place. I think this might be the first day I've actually been able to just relax and enjoy it as a wonderful thing with no hint of internal shame. That's good. I'm, as I said, happy.
Got my own EQ account this weekend. Had been using TOW's, but she had some character slots used up and none of the expansions. I could have kept using hers, free, and even got the expansions for it, but I wanted my own full compliment of character slots to be indecisive with. Now I just have the two left on her account on the Druzzil Ro server, my two highest chars. I hate the thought of getting those levels back on the new account, and am ambivalent about destroying them to use the names on the new account or leaving them there to languish on the old.
Did I mention that I now own the second most beautiful picture in the world? And also one of the third, an ink of quince blossoms. I think I may start collecting ink landscapes. They are SO BEAUTIFUL.
There's this place on the corner of Gore and... Keefer? in Chinatown. Don't go in. Don't catch the addiction. :>
G'night, all, and be well.
Went out to dinner, him and the group, which was just... nice. Everyone all together, and chatting ever so slightly uncomfortably I think, but a bunch of people I cared about all in the same place and not unhappy. I can deal with repeats of that.
I'm also exhausted. I've been pulling about four hours of sleep a night lately due to my body's auto-on switch that wakes it up at 8:30 am no matter what and the large amounts of late night stuff I've been doing lately. Actually, last night I was up till five, which allowed me to sleep in till 10:30am. Heh.
Tonight, I'll sleep. I think I can sleep in in my own bed fairly well, and I haven't got any specific time I need to be in to work tomorrow, though I should leave the house before 2pm. Isn't that a beautiful schedule?
I am amazed and astounded by my ability to love many people in many ways, all at once. Trevor really brought this home to me. Our relationship is (atm) in no way sexual, but he's really important to me. And that important niceness is totally unique. And I'm sitting there at the dinner table, and I look at TOW and at the SO and at the Juggler, and there's that same strong caring, that importance, and in a unique way for each.
I used to be so frightened that I could feel this way, that feeling like this I would somehow slip and do something wrong, that feeling like this was a betrayal in the first place. I think this might be the first day I've actually been able to just relax and enjoy it as a wonderful thing with no hint of internal shame. That's good. I'm, as I said, happy.
Got my own EQ account this weekend. Had been using TOW's, but she had some character slots used up and none of the expansions. I could have kept using hers, free, and even got the expansions for it, but I wanted my own full compliment of character slots to be indecisive with. Now I just have the two left on her account on the Druzzil Ro server, my two highest chars. I hate the thought of getting those levels back on the new account, and am ambivalent about destroying them to use the names on the new account or leaving them there to languish on the old.
Did I mention that I now own the second most beautiful picture in the world? And also one of the third, an ink of quince blossoms. I think I may start collecting ink landscapes. They are SO BEAUTIFUL.
There's this place on the corner of Gore and... Keefer? in Chinatown. Don't go in. Don't catch the addiction. :>
G'night, all, and be well.
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-19 07:07 pm (UTC)I am in trouble now.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-20 12:48 am (UTC)One of these days, I may actually experience the joy of being able to date more then one.. Shyness is a problem for me.. Also, the other person I'm interested in, may not be interested in me.. And, right now, don't want to know how she feels about me, since she's still recovering from her last breakup plus certain past issues that had resurfaced... But, I'm had my SO and her in the car and been quite happy...
no subject
Date: 2004-01-20 04:37 pm (UTC)It's kind of funny. As a very shy person myself, I find I'm also very aggressive when I know I want to date someone -- pretty much everyone I've ever dated, I've taken the initiative with. It just works so much better... and, being shy, I don't like sitting back and going through the long and oh so painful process of flirting for weeks on end without intentions expressed. I'd rather just jump right into the relationship, because I'm not shy with people I consider I have an 'in' on.
Luck to you either way. I'm noticing right now that I don't necessarily need to be dating everyone I have interest in (!! ;) It's nice just to spend time with them. Amazing revelation for someone who used to base self-worth on the number of people I could get interested in me sexually.
Luck to you, and nice to see you around here. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 05:05 pm (UTC)They're hidden. :)