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greenstormSo I can't see into the future, but here's how it's gonna go down:
I'm kind of crazy about this boy. Crazy because sane people don't do this, right? I think about him a lot, I read his stuff, I worry about things, I listen to songs and think about him and smile. The crazy is slowly, slowly settling down into comfy (I'm becoming less tongue-tied and shy, but remain surprisingly nonverbal) but it keeps getting spiked up again because, well, there's an immediacy to this.
Boy's mono. S'okay, I have a primary partner and can't give him the things you'd expect out of a relationship anyhow. He doesn't ask this stuff of me.
And, you know, I like him. I really, really do.
And one day, near or far, sooner or later, some girl worth his notice is gonna fall within his radar and all the usual stuff will happen, and she'll be like, 'dude, stop sleeping with that weird naked chick' and he'll be like 'you're my sun and my stars, I want no one but you'.
Then they'll go off into couple hibernation for awhile, and I won't see him. And it'll destroy me, I'll cry nights, and Angus will do his best to be sympathetic. Eventually I'll pick myself up and keep doing my thing, and eventually he'll return to public appearances too.
And say a year or two after maybe we'll hang out again, once in awhile, and maybe be good friends even. Who's to know? Definitely sometimes I'll look at my phone at 5:10 and think, 'remember when those last twenty minutes would drag and he'd text me'?
I'm being good, for me, about not letting the weight of this hang heavy over me, but hang it does. It's there. And you know, too, I read his journal and the last time a girl told him she loved him he dumped her, for her own good, to avoid getting her hopes up, whatever.
And you know, this is love, this reckless melting tattered thing that floats around me like warm breeze is definitely love. And there is definitely angst around it-- I'm comfy with that, but it's there.
Life's for the living, right? And I'm enjoying this living. There's no brightness without contrast, no highs without lows, you pay for everything in the end.
So, well, there's the situation. Nothing surprising, nothing new, and are you laughing at me yet? I'm really iffy about letting this post be public or not (I almost never never make private posts). Bah. Okay, let it out. Live on your skin, it's what you do. Or-- do him the service of clarifying this stuff to him first, so it doesn't hit him over the head randomly?
Private for a day or two.
I'm kind of crazy about this boy. Crazy because sane people don't do this, right? I think about him a lot, I read his stuff, I worry about things, I listen to songs and think about him and smile. The crazy is slowly, slowly settling down into comfy (I'm becoming less tongue-tied and shy, but remain surprisingly nonverbal) but it keeps getting spiked up again because, well, there's an immediacy to this.
Boy's mono. S'okay, I have a primary partner and can't give him the things you'd expect out of a relationship anyhow. He doesn't ask this stuff of me.
And, you know, I like him. I really, really do.
And one day, near or far, sooner or later, some girl worth his notice is gonna fall within his radar and all the usual stuff will happen, and she'll be like, 'dude, stop sleeping with that weird naked chick' and he'll be like 'you're my sun and my stars, I want no one but you'.
Then they'll go off into couple hibernation for awhile, and I won't see him. And it'll destroy me, I'll cry nights, and Angus will do his best to be sympathetic. Eventually I'll pick myself up and keep doing my thing, and eventually he'll return to public appearances too.
And say a year or two after maybe we'll hang out again, once in awhile, and maybe be good friends even. Who's to know? Definitely sometimes I'll look at my phone at 5:10 and think, 'remember when those last twenty minutes would drag and he'd text me'?
I'm being good, for me, about not letting the weight of this hang heavy over me, but hang it does. It's there. And you know, too, I read his journal and the last time a girl told him she loved him he dumped her, for her own good, to avoid getting her hopes up, whatever.
And you know, this is love, this reckless melting tattered thing that floats around me like warm breeze is definitely love. And there is definitely angst around it-- I'm comfy with that, but it's there.
Life's for the living, right? And I'm enjoying this living. There's no brightness without contrast, no highs without lows, you pay for everything in the end.
So, well, there's the situation. Nothing surprising, nothing new, and are you laughing at me yet? I'm really iffy about letting this post be public or not (I almost never never make private posts). Bah. Okay, let it out. Live on your skin, it's what you do. Or-- do him the service of clarifying this stuff to him first, so it doesn't hit him over the head randomly?
Private for a day or two.
