![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormYou know, this whole rejection of support because of the fear of loss is beginning to look suspiciously like yet another ploy that I'm using to push people away and thus justify the fear. I thought I'd got over that. Now that I've got that handle on it it's a bit easier to look at. I can seperate out what exactly is me and my motivations doing weird things and what's actually an issue with what other people are doing. Well, theoretically, at least, and better than before.
That explains why I was reacting so strongly last night -- well, partially, in addition to the actual issue at hand which is always a hard one for me and triggers all my fear-of-failure responses. But it was kind of weird how I just could not bring myself to listen to him -- because if we'd settled the issue I'd be allowing a great deal more intimacy, sacrificing a lot more (sure gaining a lot more) and there'd be more to lose. So I was intimacy-breaking.
The subconscious can do absolutely -fascinating- things when it's pushed. Now to keep it under control. :P
That explains why I was reacting so strongly last night -- well, partially, in addition to the actual issue at hand which is always a hard one for me and triggers all my fear-of-failure responses. But it was kind of weird how I just could not bring myself to listen to him -- because if we'd settled the issue I'd be allowing a great deal more intimacy, sacrificing a lot more (sure gaining a lot more) and there'd be more to lose. So I was intimacy-breaking.
The subconscious can do absolutely -fascinating- things when it's pushed. Now to keep it under control. :P
