Cast Of Characters
May. 28th, 2003 10:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormAhh, that's nice. A real subject. I suck at titles.
So, let's see. To start out we've got:
Me
Yes, well. I can't summarise myself. Anything I write will be wildly contradicted either later in my writings or in person. In a way this journal is an attempt to out all the bits of myself that are in fact wildly contradictory enough to bother and/or confuse most people. Suffice it to say this will remain the most mysterious member of the cast.
The SO
This is the SO. You can tell not only because he's labeled thus but because there will be a number of amusedly familiar daily anecdotes about him if my prediction is at all correct. He is soft and fuzzy and perfectionist and squishy and easy to hurt and amazingly tolerant. Some of those you'd think are contradictory, no? He believes the best of everyone except me and it took me quite awhile to earn that. Yes, it was one of my goals -- one shouldn't always believe the best of me, I don't always act from the best of motives (he comes in to the computer room to show me the gamethingy. He's going to be late for work) and it's kind of hard when someone does assume I'm acting from the best of motives and I'm not. Disabusing people of stuff sucks. It ends up being that much harder to get forgiveness, too. He dragged me kicking and screaming from the gates of hell and into this world full of people who care about each other and love each other. It's more than I'd ever do for another human being, I think, and he did it unconsciously and while absorbing all the scars I could inflict. Now he's starting to show those scars and we'll see if I can help him even a little in healing them. In my ideal world he'll live in the basement with his twenty-seven computers and his D&D books. I love him.
The Exotic
This is the guy I plan to settle down with in an orchard some day and raise children with. Maybe. Stuff doesn't go as predicted, but you get the idea. He has the face of an angel, a family history that has a ton of marriage and no divorce, and the most frightening case of innocence in the world. The SO is blind by moral preference. This guy... He's intense, exuberant, and has mood swings that I've never seen in a guy before -- nearly half as high and as low as mine. And, being innocent, he doesn't know how to deal with them well. I feel halfway like a mother or mentor to him sometimes, and spend the other half of the time learning about (or maybe attempting to believe) the things that he takes for granted. Extraordinary things, like the fact that people can love each other for more than ten years of their life.
The Juggler
No, I don't deserve three of them. I in no way, ever, in any sense come close to deserving anything I've got. I'm greedy for the world, though, for all it's complexity and all these amazing unbelievably beautiful people in it and somehow I'm getting a pretty big slice. If there's anything that makes me deserve it, it's the fact that I'm willing to do almost anything to extend my reach just a few more inches to capture something I see dangling there available but just outside my grasp.
But, The Juggler. This is the most recent of the three (something on the order of weeks depending on how you set the date, compared to six years and two years-ish respectively) and he's currently something of an obsession for me. He has this ability to listen to what I'm saying which is what led me to staying up till six in the morning for pretty much the last two weeks -- just talking, just my thirst to talk, or at least mostly. He juggles, he makes armour and tesla coils in his spare time, he codes, he's willing to talk to me about plants. If the Exotic has the body and face of an angel, he has the archetypical form of a Real Person,(details later. I'll start on the legs) and he has this hair... well, they all have this hair, to be honest. I expect he'll get a lot of wordspace on here in the next little bit because he's so new.
The Other Woman
The Juggler is married. To The Other Woman. The Other Woman is great, and a little bit scary -- she's a lot like me in a lot of ways and she fills an oddly shaped spot that likes companionship. It's an incredible blessing that these two come in a package deal because it just -works well- this way. I admit that one of the major reasons I think I have time for The Juggler is because of the way he deals with The Other Woman -- that is, in a nice, placid, honest, forthright manner. My SOs all have proven in some way that they have extensive experience with committed emotional relationships. That's unplanned but is something I might look into setting in stone... if I ever have more than sixteen seconds strung together to think about acquiring another. But I digress.
The Other Woman is emotional-rollercostery like me and also on the journey to self-discovery along those lines and to the self-management that surrounds that. She is more comfortably social and bouncy than I (who isn't?) and alternates between looking like some sort of radiant soft-focused classical painting and (don't cry!) a schoolteacher. She likes walking around in parks, drinking tea, talking in a self-examination/analytical sort of way, and she has let me use her garden.
The Mother
I love her. I'm a lot like her. She loves me. She's a separate person. There's a lot of love and respect, but she fucked up a couple of times. I fucked up a couple of times too. 'Nuff said? No, wait. She is my only real true anchor when I'm having trouble believing in unconditional love. When I can love other people the way she loves me I will be taken whole and perfect up to heaven there to light up the world like another sun. Really truly.
The Ambiguous Figure
This can refer to any and all of my mother's past three husbands, one of which I have never met, one of which who sired me but I don't remember, and one of which imprinted my life daily and indelibly for a Long Time. All are inside me and imprinted upon me, all form me. If I need to specify I'll say things like, my biological dad. I've been shaped primarily by striving towards love, by reaching to fill an absence, by attempting to be enough to fill myself when these people would not do it. I am stronger by them and through them I have gained whatever gifts of acceptance and understanding I have.
The Brother
There are three of these. I use the term interchangeably amongst them. More on these when I'm in a Mood.
I'm going to leave this for now because I don't seem to be able to save and I'm getting nervous at losing text. Also, the SO was supposed to leave for work ten-fifteen minutes ago and I hear bleeps coming out of the gamethingy in the livingroom.
Hmm.
No, wait!
The Garden!!!!!
This is my lifemate, my project, my confidante, and my purpose. You'll be hearing a lot about this. Definitely up there in the cast. Should be first.
So, let's see. To start out we've got:
Me
Yes, well. I can't summarise myself. Anything I write will be wildly contradicted either later in my writings or in person. In a way this journal is an attempt to out all the bits of myself that are in fact wildly contradictory enough to bother and/or confuse most people. Suffice it to say this will remain the most mysterious member of the cast.
The SO
This is the SO. You can tell not only because he's labeled thus but because there will be a number of amusedly familiar daily anecdotes about him if my prediction is at all correct. He is soft and fuzzy and perfectionist and squishy and easy to hurt and amazingly tolerant. Some of those you'd think are contradictory, no? He believes the best of everyone except me and it took me quite awhile to earn that. Yes, it was one of my goals -- one shouldn't always believe the best of me, I don't always act from the best of motives (he comes in to the computer room to show me the gamethingy. He's going to be late for work) and it's kind of hard when someone does assume I'm acting from the best of motives and I'm not. Disabusing people of stuff sucks. It ends up being that much harder to get forgiveness, too. He dragged me kicking and screaming from the gates of hell and into this world full of people who care about each other and love each other. It's more than I'd ever do for another human being, I think, and he did it unconsciously and while absorbing all the scars I could inflict. Now he's starting to show those scars and we'll see if I can help him even a little in healing them. In my ideal world he'll live in the basement with his twenty-seven computers and his D&D books. I love him.
The Exotic
This is the guy I plan to settle down with in an orchard some day and raise children with. Maybe. Stuff doesn't go as predicted, but you get the idea. He has the face of an angel, a family history that has a ton of marriage and no divorce, and the most frightening case of innocence in the world. The SO is blind by moral preference. This guy... He's intense, exuberant, and has mood swings that I've never seen in a guy before -- nearly half as high and as low as mine. And, being innocent, he doesn't know how to deal with them well. I feel halfway like a mother or mentor to him sometimes, and spend the other half of the time learning about (or maybe attempting to believe) the things that he takes for granted. Extraordinary things, like the fact that people can love each other for more than ten years of their life.
The Juggler
No, I don't deserve three of them. I in no way, ever, in any sense come close to deserving anything I've got. I'm greedy for the world, though, for all it's complexity and all these amazing unbelievably beautiful people in it and somehow I'm getting a pretty big slice. If there's anything that makes me deserve it, it's the fact that I'm willing to do almost anything to extend my reach just a few more inches to capture something I see dangling there available but just outside my grasp.
But, The Juggler. This is the most recent of the three (something on the order of weeks depending on how you set the date, compared to six years and two years-ish respectively) and he's currently something of an obsession for me. He has this ability to listen to what I'm saying which is what led me to staying up till six in the morning for pretty much the last two weeks -- just talking, just my thirst to talk, or at least mostly. He juggles, he makes armour and tesla coils in his spare time, he codes, he's willing to talk to me about plants. If the Exotic has the body and face of an angel, he has the archetypical form of a Real Person,(details later. I'll start on the legs) and he has this hair... well, they all have this hair, to be honest. I expect he'll get a lot of wordspace on here in the next little bit because he's so new.
The Other Woman
The Juggler is married. To The Other Woman. The Other Woman is great, and a little bit scary -- she's a lot like me in a lot of ways and she fills an oddly shaped spot that likes companionship. It's an incredible blessing that these two come in a package deal because it just -works well- this way. I admit that one of the major reasons I think I have time for The Juggler is because of the way he deals with The Other Woman -- that is, in a nice, placid, honest, forthright manner. My SOs all have proven in some way that they have extensive experience with committed emotional relationships. That's unplanned but is something I might look into setting in stone... if I ever have more than sixteen seconds strung together to think about acquiring another. But I digress.
The Other Woman is emotional-rollercostery like me and also on the journey to self-discovery along those lines and to the self-management that surrounds that. She is more comfortably social and bouncy than I (who isn't?) and alternates between looking like some sort of radiant soft-focused classical painting and (don't cry!) a schoolteacher. She likes walking around in parks, drinking tea, talking in a self-examination/analytical sort of way, and she has let me use her garden.
The Mother
I love her. I'm a lot like her. She loves me. She's a separate person. There's a lot of love and respect, but she fucked up a couple of times. I fucked up a couple of times too. 'Nuff said? No, wait. She is my only real true anchor when I'm having trouble believing in unconditional love. When I can love other people the way she loves me I will be taken whole and perfect up to heaven there to light up the world like another sun. Really truly.
The Ambiguous Figure
This can refer to any and all of my mother's past three husbands, one of which I have never met, one of which who sired me but I don't remember, and one of which imprinted my life daily and indelibly for a Long Time. All are inside me and imprinted upon me, all form me. If I need to specify I'll say things like, my biological dad. I've been shaped primarily by striving towards love, by reaching to fill an absence, by attempting to be enough to fill myself when these people would not do it. I am stronger by them and through them I have gained whatever gifts of acceptance and understanding I have.
The Brother
There are three of these. I use the term interchangeably amongst them. More on these when I'm in a Mood.
I'm going to leave this for now because I don't seem to be able to save and I'm getting nervous at losing text. Also, the SO was supposed to leave for work ten-fifteen minutes ago and I hear bleeps coming out of the gamethingy in the livingroom.
Hmm.
No, wait!
The Garden!!!!!
This is my lifemate, my project, my confidante, and my purpose. You'll be hearing a lot about this. Definitely up there in the cast. Should be first.
