And another
Mar. 11th, 2021 09:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormPDA helps explain why I get so angry at the unstated social expectations folks have, especially the ones I'm completely aware of. I always want to force people to acknowledge those: "if we live together you'll expect me to talk to you every day" or "now that we're dating, if you go through a hard time you'll expect me to accommodate that" or "if we see each other every week for a year, you'll continue to expect to see me every week".
I've always been a little puzzled by my need to make these explicit. Now I understand it: it's not that I don't want to do these social things with someone. What I was trying was to feel seen around the magnitude of what was being asked, trying to make clear the huge commitment involved in agreeing to an expectation (even an expectation for something I want to do).
But of course folks were confused because it just... isn't a big thing for them.
I watched a YouTube video tonight, someone with ADHD who took an adderall for the first time. Not long after it kicked in she started crying: "it's so easy to do things now" she said.
Of course no one was going to acknowledge the magnitude of meaning involved in my knowing a behavior would create expectations and doing it anyhow. Of course no one would understand that as an absolute expression of love, of those people's importance in my life.
For most people both the creation of those expectations and the expectations themselves are throwaway activities, incidental, secondary.
For me it's playing chicken with a train. And, more often than not, the train hits me.
I've always been a little puzzled by my need to make these explicit. Now I understand it: it's not that I don't want to do these social things with someone. What I was trying was to feel seen around the magnitude of what was being asked, trying to make clear the huge commitment involved in agreeing to an expectation (even an expectation for something I want to do).
But of course folks were confused because it just... isn't a big thing for them.
I watched a YouTube video tonight, someone with ADHD who took an adderall for the first time. Not long after it kicked in she started crying: "it's so easy to do things now" she said.
Of course no one was going to acknowledge the magnitude of meaning involved in my knowing a behavior would create expectations and doing it anyhow. Of course no one would understand that as an absolute expression of love, of those people's importance in my life.
For most people both the creation of those expectations and the expectations themselves are throwaway activities, incidental, secondary.
For me it's playing chicken with a train. And, more often than not, the train hits me.
