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greenstormWhatever is going on with my head has been a pretty substantial problem.
Best guess is that some stuff with partners + covid instability + residential school abuse being everywhere has been putting me in a constant people-aren't-safe/no-one-has-my-back/the-world-is-never-kind trigger state. I've been crying. A lot. I pass two memorials to the Kamloops kids when I drive into town, which doesn't help.
I called in sick and spent today calling help lines etc because I'm pretty much nonfunctional at this point: it takes all day to feed myself and do animal chores. I haven't been able to garden or do anything really. So.
Work has set up a crisis line because a lot of our work involvwes first nations, and many of us are. I called that. It has a person who listened some and validated, which was nice, but I think couldn't do much else. He was kind and caring but said some stuff about me speaking to a woman because it might feel safer for me.
Strike one for "intersectionality sucks". I'd really like to be able to access this resource but can't handle explaining the gender thing to someone right now. So.
Tried calling my doctor. I had an appointment with her last week to follow up on the medication which put me to sleep, made me unable to drive, and may (?) have precipitated this instability some. I mis-remembered the appointment date and missed it, and now she's on vacation, I can see her in just over a month.
Called the employee whatever-it's-called line, the one work always has that's part of the benefits and not the event-specific crisis line. Got a counselor who was actually pretty great and put me in for a trauma-specific program and talked with me some. Good to have another thing to try since I'm basically nonfunctional and this can't go on.
I have a headache from crying, I feel like I got nothing done today, ravens carried away some piglets and ducklings, people seem awful, and I just want to sleep.
Oh. And it would be nice to feel safe.
I haven't been this bad for a really long time. Bah.
Best guess is that some stuff with partners + covid instability + residential school abuse being everywhere has been putting me in a constant people-aren't-safe/no-one-has-my-back/the-world-is-never-kind trigger state. I've been crying. A lot. I pass two memorials to the Kamloops kids when I drive into town, which doesn't help.
I called in sick and spent today calling help lines etc because I'm pretty much nonfunctional at this point: it takes all day to feed myself and do animal chores. I haven't been able to garden or do anything really. So.
Work has set up a crisis line because a lot of our work involvwes first nations, and many of us are. I called that. It has a person who listened some and validated, which was nice, but I think couldn't do much else. He was kind and caring but said some stuff about me speaking to a woman because it might feel safer for me.
Strike one for "intersectionality sucks". I'd really like to be able to access this resource but can't handle explaining the gender thing to someone right now. So.
Tried calling my doctor. I had an appointment with her last week to follow up on the medication which put me to sleep, made me unable to drive, and may (?) have precipitated this instability some. I mis-remembered the appointment date and missed it, and now she's on vacation, I can see her in just over a month.
Called the employee whatever-it's-called line, the one work always has that's part of the benefits and not the event-specific crisis line. Got a counselor who was actually pretty great and put me in for a trauma-specific program and talked with me some. Good to have another thing to try since I'm basically nonfunctional and this can't go on.
I have a headache from crying, I feel like I got nothing done today, ravens carried away some piglets and ducklings, people seem awful, and I just want to sleep.
Oh. And it would be nice to feel safe.
I haven't been this bad for a really long time. Bah.
