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greenstormMy brain isn't patterning right, right now. Either it's not intaking the right amount of information or it's not drawing conclusions properly. Spatial things, like Tucker leaving the tap on for a minute while cooking or a bike behind the stairs or the (normal) placement of a coffee table -- neither of which are ultra unusual-- startle me and I stare at them in confusion. It's hot then cold and I can't tell whether it's me or the surroundings. There's a layer of bubble wrap between me and the world, things filter in slow and dim. I can't tell entirely what's happening in my head and what's in the real world, or more accurately I can't focus on one over the other intentionally.
It feels dissociative but not in an emotionally-triggered way. It's like handcuffs on my mind.
I have a great face or mask for this sort of thing, I can make small talk and say things that sound sensible and leave lots of space in conversation which people are happy to fill. But. I can't put two and two together.
I slept through most of two of the last three days and was sluggish through the third. I got a covid test today because I technically have all the symptoms and I'm supposed to be in a vehicle with the summer students on Thursday. But.
The tired is "normal" for a week every month at this point: calling-in-sick levels usually one day a month on average, if there is an average. But this, is it brain fog? It's concentrated and it's lasted all day and I think all weekend too.
I can't tell whether this is normal, whether it's hypochondria, whether there is actually something wrong. I can free-associate and write but I can't think.
Ugh.
It feels dissociative but not in an emotionally-triggered way. It's like handcuffs on my mind.
I have a great face or mask for this sort of thing, I can make small talk and say things that sound sensible and leave lots of space in conversation which people are happy to fill. But. I can't put two and two together.
I slept through most of two of the last three days and was sluggish through the third. I got a covid test today because I technically have all the symptoms and I'm supposed to be in a vehicle with the summer students on Thursday. But.
The tired is "normal" for a week every month at this point: calling-in-sick levels usually one day a month on average, if there is an average. But this, is it brain fog? It's concentrated and it's lasted all day and I think all weekend too.
I can't tell whether this is normal, whether it's hypochondria, whether there is actually something wrong. I can free-associate and write but I can't think.
Ugh.
