The daily breakup: relationship dynamics
Aug. 26th, 2021 05:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormIn the beginning of relationships I'm often the seducer/initiator. I like that role: I like delighting and surprising people, usually dudes who don't often get appreciated without doing a ton of legwork first, by being clear about my interest.
I tend to collect folks who can't say no easily and I suspect my relationship initiation style is contributory. It's not necessarily that I end up with people who would have said no to a relationship -- I'm pretty careful -- but in general it's folks without much practice being pursued and thus not much practice saying no.
That is: not much practice saying no to a particular relationship style, to particular dynamics, to particular dates or interactions. So I feel like I have to be gentler in my asks to help elicit that no. Sometimes this means just not asking at all. That's when it becomes a problem.
I'm tired so I'll follow this through a bit more later, but not offering a clear no also often means not being able to explicitly verbally offer a clear yes.
Bah.
I tend to collect folks who can't say no easily and I suspect my relationship initiation style is contributory. It's not necessarily that I end up with people who would have said no to a relationship -- I'm pretty careful -- but in general it's folks without much practice being pursued and thus not much practice saying no.
That is: not much practice saying no to a particular relationship style, to particular dynamics, to particular dates or interactions. So I feel like I have to be gentler in my asks to help elicit that no. Sometimes this means just not asking at all. That's when it becomes a problem.
I'm tired so I'll follow this through a bit more later, but not offering a clear no also often means not being able to explicitly verbally offer a clear yes.
Bah.
