Population Density

[greenstorm]

I guess I haven't hopped on okc anywhere other than the north for just shy of a decade? Set my location to the North Island the other day and gave myself a radius that just clipped the mainland and wow! Autistic folks, plenty of space outside the gender binary, lots of humans, it's kind of nice to see. Super interesting how people use specific causes to flag their identities/in-groups, too-- I'm inclined to be wary of that, but we shall see.

Anyhow, there are in fact new folks on there since I was last down south, but fewer new folks than you might think. We'll see where this goes. It would be nice to have some folks close by to connect with when I get down there, and doubly nice to have someone/some folks around compatible for sex.

Comments

[greenstorm]

Me: introductory message
Them: oh, yeah, hey , its been awhile! We met fifteen years ago through these two separate venues

[yarrowkat]

ha! awesome? maybe, i hope? and also the queer community is SO SMALL no matter where you are, omg. i have this line of a Team Gina song running permanently in my head "because in the whole world there are only 12 lesbians/[...] so you're gonna end up dating all the exes of your friends"

https://soundcloud.com/user1755358/06-wife-swapping

[greenstorm]

I'd say the neurodivergent community, in my case. And yeah, awesome but a little weird. I am more memorable than I am able to remember.

I have always been that girl dating only folks who look like guys and so isn't really queer and obvs poly isn't queer she's just trying to take up space but since she's a "she" I guess we'll let her in and not challenge her but we'll only talk about real queer problems. Perhaps that helps you to understand why I have a whole body cringe whenever anyone refers to me as queer? Those gatekeepers can have their community; it has lost the privilege of my presence regardless of what words I stick on my gender or the gender of my partners these days.

Note: I am and am still angry about this, not aimed at you but at them, and I'm tired of being angry about it but here we are :(

[yarrowkat]

i was at a dance party that started with a teach-in some years back, and people were asked to put questions or concerns they had about the queer community into a box beforehand and then these were pulled out and discussed. one thing that came up, is identity policing in the community. the facilitator asked, "how many of you have felt or been told you're not queer enough?" most of the room raises their hands. "and how many of you have felt or been told you're too queer?" most of the room, with nearly total overlap with the first group, raises their hands. and that's a problem. i have been "not queer enough" most of my life as a woman who dates men (among other people), and i am always fighting against that. it stopped fairly recently, when i cut my hair (and also am in a nesting relationship with a trans partner who is sometimes visibly trans; the combination is something that makes people not only not-argue with me about my identity but also assume it correctly (which almost never happened when i had long hair). and also, identity shouldn't ever have to be determined by your relationship to another person or what they look like, but rather by internal sense, so i'm not done being mad at the world about that)

whether or not poly is queer i think, unfortunately, depends partly on how the poly is being done. it can be be super cishet and embody oppressive norms while breaking only the one social code of monogamy. or it can be free-form, organic, RA, and/or actively anti-oppressive on an individual scale. and to my thinking, the latter form is very queer regardless of the gender of the people practicing it - because queer is sexual but queer is also political.

i would imagine that the neurodivergent community also feels like the same 12 people show up in all the social spaces!

[greenstorm]

Right. But what the instructor did not ask is, "how many of you have told anyone they aren't queer enough to attend something?" and without that kind of introspection I'm not interested.

I guess maybe my green asymmetrical mohawk got me into those rooms.

I mean, the same can be said for the monogamous gay folks who now have full benefits and social acknowledgement up here. Some of them say "good for you" when I describe my relationship structures, but just as many say "oh, I went through that phase too". And while I enjoy the concept of "bell hooks queer" (the self which is constantly at odds with everything else) or as you describe the anti-oppressive framework, I think the reality is people who want to know what's going on in people's pants and bedrooms. Or maybe lately it's being taken back, by the ace folks fighting their way into it? Ugh. I can contribute to other movements.

The neurodivergent community is slowly learning they're neurodivergent because they interact comfortably with the same 12 people, yes. :)