![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormMind blown.
Talked to the PDA counselor today. She's reading a book called "unmasking autism" and in it there's a distinction between "camouflaging" which it describes as hiding oneself in order to be more socially acceptable and "compensating" which it describes as using a bunch of workarounds.
I am completely a compensator. I'm upfront about things and present them carefully to normalize them, so I get ahead of them. I use humour and commonalities to deflate tensions. I play up my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. I (deftly?) avoid situations which I won't do well in. And I do this because I don't expect anyone to ever give me true accommodations so I have to make them myself.
It means that I feel more at ease with myself in public situations that camouflagers? Because some parts of me are out and visible. But it also means that acceptance is always predicated on my doing so much work, explaining, setting tone, presenting, highlighting, soothing, connecting. I don't just get to sit down and be me and have someone else do the work of reaching out, meeting me halfway, exploring who I am and coming to their own acceptance.
Work is where this falls apart. I can do the interpersonal compensation, but the rigid union structure prevents me from bending my time and energy to fit into the work I'm given and I hit burnout hard. Is there a way to set up within this structure so I'll be ok? Hard to tell.
Talked to the PDA counselor today. She's reading a book called "unmasking autism" and in it there's a distinction between "camouflaging" which it describes as hiding oneself in order to be more socially acceptable and "compensating" which it describes as using a bunch of workarounds.
I am completely a compensator. I'm upfront about things and present them carefully to normalize them, so I get ahead of them. I use humour and commonalities to deflate tensions. I play up my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. I (deftly?) avoid situations which I won't do well in. And I do this because I don't expect anyone to ever give me true accommodations so I have to make them myself.
It means that I feel more at ease with myself in public situations that camouflagers? Because some parts of me are out and visible. But it also means that acceptance is always predicated on my doing so much work, explaining, setting tone, presenting, highlighting, soothing, connecting. I don't just get to sit down and be me and have someone else do the work of reaching out, meeting me halfway, exploring who I am and coming to their own acceptance.
Work is where this falls apart. I can do the interpersonal compensation, but the rigid union structure prevents me from bending my time and energy to fit into the work I'm given and I hit burnout hard. Is there a way to set up within this structure so I'll be ok? Hard to tell.
