Dryadbrain
Jun. 17th, 2022 10:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormBasically I'm part of the energy flow of my little piece of ground and the things that live on it. There isn't the same separateness than I think many people feel. The land and I use each other as energy banks, or perhaps I'm the mediator in some of the extra energy that flows around. When I plant something it draws on my energy; this is good since when I'm living correctly I have an abundance of energy and love to give. Having an overflow valve, having everything extra and a little besides taken out of me, really helps me to be calm and peaceful, or at least reasonable enough to make good decisions. Effectively there's always a piece of my mind splitting and channeling energy in that direction as soon as my plants come up.
I'll talk about perennials another time.
When I was late getting my garden in and the corn didn't come up anyone who reads this regularly will know I was spinning. There was a lot, and nowhere for it to go. I can also ground my energy into people's bodies, into touch and sex, but that was also not available. Now, even if I have a lot going on, it has a place to go to.
In winter, or days like today where it's overcast and there's no sun to feed me, I can draw on the energy in the ground.
I don't often talk about my nonhuman bits, even on here. It makes people intensely uncomfortable. Some rush to reassure me that I seem fully human to them, but those are the same folks who can't wrap their minds around the way I integrate into the world. I imagine they think it's a compliment? It's often been levelled at me as an insult, as it is at many autistic folks, and often enough that I'm happy to take it onboard as truth now. I just don't talk about it.
As with anything I don't talk about, I want to talk about it. Angus gave me that little opening the other day and this pops out. I see how it feels, sit with it a bit, see what the world sends back to me, and then I either run with it or tuck it back out of sight again.
As with autism, folks will demand a description of what I mean in order to accept what I say or not. "What's it like, why do you think that?" but I'm not sure I'm accepting that conversational gambit anymore. You're a human? Describe your experience of human and I'll compare myself to that. You're neurotypical? Describe what that means and I'll tell you where I differ. It's too much work to always be summarizing the entire other, and then my entire self next to it.
Anyhow that is an entire tangent. It's time to go out into the garden.
I'll talk about perennials another time.
When I was late getting my garden in and the corn didn't come up anyone who reads this regularly will know I was spinning. There was a lot, and nowhere for it to go. I can also ground my energy into people's bodies, into touch and sex, but that was also not available. Now, even if I have a lot going on, it has a place to go to.
In winter, or days like today where it's overcast and there's no sun to feed me, I can draw on the energy in the ground.
I don't often talk about my nonhuman bits, even on here. It makes people intensely uncomfortable. Some rush to reassure me that I seem fully human to them, but those are the same folks who can't wrap their minds around the way I integrate into the world. I imagine they think it's a compliment? It's often been levelled at me as an insult, as it is at many autistic folks, and often enough that I'm happy to take it onboard as truth now. I just don't talk about it.
As with anything I don't talk about, I want to talk about it. Angus gave me that little opening the other day and this pops out. I see how it feels, sit with it a bit, see what the world sends back to me, and then I either run with it or tuck it back out of sight again.
As with autism, folks will demand a description of what I mean in order to accept what I say or not. "What's it like, why do you think that?" but I'm not sure I'm accepting that conversational gambit anymore. You're a human? Describe your experience of human and I'll compare myself to that. You're neurotypical? Describe what that means and I'll tell you where I differ. It's too much work to always be summarizing the entire other, and then my entire self next to it.
Anyhow that is an entire tangent. It's time to go out into the garden.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-17 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 05:42 pm (UTC)