Further Thought.
Jul. 20th, 2004 10:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormHow much is my position that of Jan, a year ago? How much am I sticking around not because this is what I want, but because of unrealistic expectations and unclear knowledge of what's being offered?
The problem with this whole thing is that no one knows what's going on. No one offers any guarantees.
I must come up with a list of questions to be answered. It's difficult. Let's try. If you were going to have a relationship, what would you want to know about it?
I Emotional Depth
a. Are you willing to support me when I am happy and sad?
b. Are you willing to change your routines to do so?
c. Are you willing to be honest with me?
d. Do you want me to be honest with you?
e. Do you want me to support you when you are happy and sad?
f. Within what perameters? May I call you late at night or early in the morning? When you are with someone else?
g. Do you want me to do this for you?
h. Are you willing to control your immediate reactions to give comfort?
i. Are you willing to change your behaviour or reactions to continue the relationship?
j. Which of these do you want me to do?
k. At what times and under what circumstances will comfort not be offered?
l. At what times and under what circumstances will behaviour not be altered in any way?
II Time
a. How much time will we spend in physical proximity?
b. How variable is this figure?
c. How much time will we spend in communication via phone, email, etc?
d. How variable is this figure?
e. What major factors impact these variances?
f. At what times and under what circumstances will no physical proximity be offered?
g. At what times and under what circumstances will no communication be offered?
III Duration
a. How long will this relationship continue?
b. At minimum?
c. At maximum?
IV Seperation
a. What factors will being about this relationship's end for certain?
b. What factors may bring about the end of this relationship?
c. If no 'relationship' is involved, is friendship desireable?
V Trust
a. Will you repeat my confidences to any other?
b. If so, who?
c. Will you repeat my actions in confidence to any other?
d. If so, who?
e. Will you act upon your word?
f. In which ways is it unimportant to you to act upon your word?
g. What are the consequences for breaking trust?
h. In what circumstances are these varied?
VI Specifics
a. How long will this break last at maximum?
b. Is there a plan to make use of the time?
c. What will assure me that it is not to be repeated?
d. What is in this relationship for me, from your point of view?
e. Have I any assurance that the break will indeed end?
f. And that I will be returned to circumstances as they were last week in terms of intimacy or time, and that new restraints will not be placed?
g. What chance is there that the break will continue indefinitely if it is a comfortable place for you?
h. Have I any guarantee that a relationship of any duration will continue after this break?
The problem with this whole thing is that no one knows what's going on. No one offers any guarantees.
I must come up with a list of questions to be answered. It's difficult. Let's try. If you were going to have a relationship, what would you want to know about it?
I Emotional Depth
a. Are you willing to support me when I am happy and sad?
b. Are you willing to change your routines to do so?
c. Are you willing to be honest with me?
d. Do you want me to be honest with you?
e. Do you want me to support you when you are happy and sad?
f. Within what perameters? May I call you late at night or early in the morning? When you are with someone else?
g. Do you want me to do this for you?
h. Are you willing to control your immediate reactions to give comfort?
i. Are you willing to change your behaviour or reactions to continue the relationship?
j. Which of these do you want me to do?
k. At what times and under what circumstances will comfort not be offered?
l. At what times and under what circumstances will behaviour not be altered in any way?
II Time
a. How much time will we spend in physical proximity?
b. How variable is this figure?
c. How much time will we spend in communication via phone, email, etc?
d. How variable is this figure?
e. What major factors impact these variances?
f. At what times and under what circumstances will no physical proximity be offered?
g. At what times and under what circumstances will no communication be offered?
III Duration
a. How long will this relationship continue?
b. At minimum?
c. At maximum?
IV Seperation
a. What factors will being about this relationship's end for certain?
b. What factors may bring about the end of this relationship?
c. If no 'relationship' is involved, is friendship desireable?
V Trust
a. Will you repeat my confidences to any other?
b. If so, who?
c. Will you repeat my actions in confidence to any other?
d. If so, who?
e. Will you act upon your word?
f. In which ways is it unimportant to you to act upon your word?
g. What are the consequences for breaking trust?
h. In what circumstances are these varied?
VI Specifics
a. How long will this break last at maximum?
b. Is there a plan to make use of the time?
c. What will assure me that it is not to be repeated?
d. What is in this relationship for me, from your point of view?
e. Have I any assurance that the break will indeed end?
f. And that I will be returned to circumstances as they were last week in terms of intimacy or time, and that new restraints will not be placed?
g. What chance is there that the break will continue indefinitely if it is a comfortable place for you?
h. Have I any guarantee that a relationship of any duration will continue after this break?
