greenstorm | I want...

...to dress up prettily and go about in public. What I really want is to go back to the folk fest and live there, actually, since I realised about half an hour after I got home that everything here is still how I left it, but obviously my options in that regard are limited.

The symphony of fire's coming up. Who's going? It's tomorrow night already.

I think I'm going to try to go to all of them this year. I love the crowd so much, and over the last few years I've only managed one or two.

Estry and I are rearranging the livingroom and working on how we'll paint. I'm trying to feel ownership of my space -- started cleaning yesterday, as I do whenever I need to anchor myself somewhere.

Stuff with Mouse and the Juggler is still up in the air. Haven't talked with them yet.

I had a nice chat with _greenwitch_ the other day, and I'm realising that I (still!) have this solid network of friends around me. They may not *always* be there, but they *are* there, and the sort of demands that they place upon me are so light and gentle that I barely feel them. In fact, I'm sitting around trying to find ways to give back to people now, instead of feeling drained and resentful of things asked of me.

Although I'm very sad sometimes, and although I am still grieving, I think my soul is finally getting some rest. The things that are hard, here, are hard on me and not on it, and I can take a lot.

I'm even thinking things like: I could have a bunch of friends over at once. I could have a party, a gathering. I haven't thought that sort of thing in a long time.

So! I have lots of time, and space, and I'm fiding a different kind of better than I used to have. It'll be interesting to see if this is a breathing space or if my life will shape this way for awhile to come.