Miracle signs
Dec. 11th, 2022 06:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormHere are the miracle-signs you want,
that you cry through the night
and get up at dawn asking,
that in the absence of what you ask for,
your day gets dark, your neck thin
as a spindle, that what you give away
is all you own, that you sacrifice belongings,
sleep, health, your head,
that you often sit down in a fire like aloeswood
and often go out to meet a blade
like a battered helmet.
When acts of helplessness become habitual,
those are the signs.
Excuse my wandering.
How can one be orderly with this?
It is like counting leaves in a garden,
along with the song-notes of partridges
and crows. Sometimes organization
and computation become absurd.
Rumi
How many times does the pot boil almost-dry before you can bring yourself to put pasta into it?
How much of the time do you spend unable to move your body at your own volition, stand up, sit down, turn your head, even twitch a finger deliberately?
How many times do you cry?
How many times do you cry when something nice happens?
How many times to do cry because that's the only thing your body will do?
Is there anything you want to do that will exist into the future? Can, charcuterie, sew, anything that involves envisioning a future in which you interact meaningfully?
How many times do you skip the shower?
How many times do you get the sheets in the laundry too late, and need to make the bed without the mattress pad because you have spare sheets but the mattress pad isn't dry and you can't find a spare?
How many times do you just skip changing the sheets at least once a week?
How many times does the middle of the night feel safer than the daytime?
How many times do you think about the people you love and feel indifference?
How many times do you think about the future and feel indifference?
When was the last time you washed the floor?
When was the last time you tidied away a project?
Are you unloading the dishwasher proactively, just so you can empty the full sink into it, or not at all?
Are you spending time with your plants?
When I think about my plants it still feels like love.
...
How many times do you cry when you think about something that actually feels like love?
Is there anything that makes it feel like it just might, like there's some chance, that it could be ok?
that you cry through the night
and get up at dawn asking,
that in the absence of what you ask for,
your day gets dark, your neck thin
as a spindle, that what you give away
is all you own, that you sacrifice belongings,
sleep, health, your head,
that you often sit down in a fire like aloeswood
and often go out to meet a blade
like a battered helmet.
When acts of helplessness become habitual,
those are the signs.
Excuse my wandering.
How can one be orderly with this?
It is like counting leaves in a garden,
along with the song-notes of partridges
and crows. Sometimes organization
and computation become absurd.
Rumi
How many times does the pot boil almost-dry before you can bring yourself to put pasta into it?
How much of the time do you spend unable to move your body at your own volition, stand up, sit down, turn your head, even twitch a finger deliberately?
How many times do you cry?
How many times do you cry when something nice happens?
How many times to do cry because that's the only thing your body will do?
Is there anything you want to do that will exist into the future? Can, charcuterie, sew, anything that involves envisioning a future in which you interact meaningfully?
How many times do you skip the shower?
How many times do you get the sheets in the laundry too late, and need to make the bed without the mattress pad because you have spare sheets but the mattress pad isn't dry and you can't find a spare?
How many times do you just skip changing the sheets at least once a week?
How many times does the middle of the night feel safer than the daytime?
How many times do you think about the people you love and feel indifference?
How many times do you think about the future and feel indifference?
When was the last time you washed the floor?
When was the last time you tidied away a project?
Are you unloading the dishwasher proactively, just so you can empty the full sink into it, or not at all?
Are you spending time with your plants?
When I think about my plants it still feels like love.
...
How many times do you cry when you think about something that actually feels like love?
Is there anything that makes it feel like it just might, like there's some chance, that it could be ok?
