PMDD progress

[greenstorm]

Ok, so we've ruled out birth control pills as a treatment. If you think of my okayness on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is "can't move, better not drive because it's not safe, cry all the time" and 10 is able to be happy and functional, Lolo left me at a 3 and Freya has dumped me at a 2 for the last month. So they're not fixing it.

Next up is to try psych meds. In the past I used welbutrin (which is not indicated for PMDD) and it helped with a brief general depression I was going through but not with the swing of my cycle. So it's already ruled out on two counts. Now we try certraline/zoloft, starting on a fairly high dose (well, a low standard dose, not titrating up into a standard dose) because we're all worried about me. Not sure how many of these we try before ruling them out.

I'm starting it continuously. Normal PMDD people can take it for 2 week of their cycle and go on and off it like that, but because I've been on the birth control pills I don't know what my cycle will be for awhile (I didn't bleed when I went off the Lolo, and I just finished a three-week bleed, so things are a little weird in there). So I'll go on it, then (if it works) once I start having a normal cycle we can cut it out of the "good parts". If it doesn't work, well, then we try either a different SRI or we try an ovary blocker I think.

I had pretty bad reactions to paxil back when I was a teen, which leaves me less hopeful for this one, but I'm willing to jump through the hoop. And it it works, well, that's great. Meanwhile I have permission to call in sick when I'm not feeling emotionally safe to drive, and to go to the emerg room if I need to for psych stuff.

One of the amazing skills PMDD teaches is to just grit your teeth and hold on through the bad parts, because it *does* get better. My brain has been unlearning that it gets better over the last several months, because I haven't had reliable good days, just a couple good hours here and there. But now I have a reason to believe it might get better again, and I can grit my teeth through this next bit.

I needed the hope. I was honestly getting pretty scared/worried. I don't want this thing to win just when there's the possibility it could be made to go away. And this is the worst it's ever been, I think even depo provera left me at a 3 or something. Of course, I wasn't driving back then.

Oh well. Next thing. Hopefully by this time next year I'll be going in to get my ovaries removed.