Round the Clock Musings
Jun. 15th, 2003 03:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormIt's not often that I'm really tired-feeling but too restless to sleep. I've got one of those right now, and although it would sound like the ideal time to get some thinking in I'm a little too thick-headed right now.
I got to the Van Deusen flower show today, which was... very nice. It was the kind of fantastically distracting event where I couldn't walk three feet in a line without veering off to look at this or that. Most of the highlights weren't so much plantlike, though: there was a fountain of a woman with an umbrella and some rock fountains that were very nice, some water garden stuff that was kind of neat, a bonsai demonstration that was terribly enlightening, some neat sedum/succulent gardens in hypertufa or whatever it is, lots of black stuff... I don't remember running into anything fantastic that I'd never seen before except some cool cacti, nothing like the mimosa and eucalyptus from the first day. Well, there were some fun herbs at one point, and pepperoncini plants.
But, nothing that really stood out there as Amazing. After that we went to the Southlands nursery again and returned home with an Amber Sunset, Holy Toledo, and Mysterious Mauve minirose, a heliotrope (from the show), tigress rose, sultry rose, and tropical sunset rose. That's all the roses for the bed, at least all the full-sized ones, so I can put them in tomorrow. :)
They had some really incredible rose stuff blooming at the nursery -- the garden show was all English roses, surprise surprise. I fell in love a couple of times -- Olympiad, Black Magic, Flirtatious, Gypsy Dancer, Pat Austin, we have some clashes here. I need to figure out how to harmonise these things into one planting in the front yard, I think. Luckily I have some time until the bushes come out, if they ever do, for me to start working with that space.
The SO and the Other Woman ended up going to Sin City while I stayed home and watched the Juggler improvise a macaroni and cheese recipe. It was definitely a good choice -- I don't think I would have survived that kind of social event this month. I got in a good talk with him, too, which is something I always like a whole lot. I think that's probably driving the restlessness -- they came home and I just can't get comfortable with the extra headspaces in the house even when they're in the other room.
Asked the Juggler if he'd be amenable to participating in dancing lessons sometime. He has an interesting control/awareness of his body that could make some of the more physical stuff fun if I could manage to soak up the motions myself. I think the Other Woman prefers to monopolise him on that front, though, so I'm not sure it will materialise.
What else? Not much, really. Marson on Otherspace is teaching a MUSHcode class which I've enrolled in. He assures me that even if I miss some of the general class meetings (Saturday nights, when else?) that if I keep up with assignments and personal chat I should pick up useful things. I've always wanted to learn to be useful codewise on a MUSH so let's see if this doesn't soak up some of my free time for a few weeks.
Friskie has come to visit me here and I'm glad. I'm definitely lonely righ tnow and it's good to have her here as a reminder. This isn't a major freak-out lonely, though, just a melancholy distanced sort of feeling -- I don't seem to freak out when I'm here, at least I haven't come close yet. It seems kind of silly, or trivial, to feel that bad beside the things I do have.
I think I'm worried about what will happen when the Exotic gets here, too. I'm feeling less and less like he fits into my life with this lack of communication lately, I'm not sure how to reach him to reconnect and the less I connect the more I worry about what will happen when he's here. He has his tickets, August 6th at 11:30 in the afternoon.
My mouth tastes kind of icky and I'm a little bit cold. It's late, I'm tired. I'd like to do somethign active tomorrow, get back into my body and shake of the over-intellectualising that's keeping me stuck in this mood. Why -should- I feel bad when everyone else is happy? Who gave me the right to spoil their sleep and their peace, and what's wrong with me that I would be, anyhow? Is this a matter of scars and messed-up intimacy patterns from my past, or does everyone feel weird and alienated/outside sometimes?
I guess I want to feel like someone would miss me if I were gone and I don't, righ tnow. I feel like q faceless interchangeable part in the machine -- as opposed to an indespensible part of the web. We all have these off moments and this one will be gone by sleep (do we all? Does it matter?) so I'll contemplate that sleep and see what I can do to get more comfortable.
Thanks for listening. Somehow it helps, a little -- not the people reading, but just that there's something to fomulate this stuff to besides myself. When I was little I used to believe that there was a Watcher, something that observed the entire universe inside and out, and I'd narrate stuff in my head to it. This is kind of similar. It's an old soothing habit, I suppose, and not a young one.
Take care, and may you be sleeping well right now.
I got to the Van Deusen flower show today, which was... very nice. It was the kind of fantastically distracting event where I couldn't walk three feet in a line without veering off to look at this or that. Most of the highlights weren't so much plantlike, though: there was a fountain of a woman with an umbrella and some rock fountains that were very nice, some water garden stuff that was kind of neat, a bonsai demonstration that was terribly enlightening, some neat sedum/succulent gardens in hypertufa or whatever it is, lots of black stuff... I don't remember running into anything fantastic that I'd never seen before except some cool cacti, nothing like the mimosa and eucalyptus from the first day. Well, there were some fun herbs at one point, and pepperoncini plants.
But, nothing that really stood out there as Amazing. After that we went to the Southlands nursery again and returned home with an Amber Sunset, Holy Toledo, and Mysterious Mauve minirose, a heliotrope (from the show), tigress rose, sultry rose, and tropical sunset rose. That's all the roses for the bed, at least all the full-sized ones, so I can put them in tomorrow. :)
They had some really incredible rose stuff blooming at the nursery -- the garden show was all English roses, surprise surprise. I fell in love a couple of times -- Olympiad, Black Magic, Flirtatious, Gypsy Dancer, Pat Austin, we have some clashes here. I need to figure out how to harmonise these things into one planting in the front yard, I think. Luckily I have some time until the bushes come out, if they ever do, for me to start working with that space.
The SO and the Other Woman ended up going to Sin City while I stayed home and watched the Juggler improvise a macaroni and cheese recipe. It was definitely a good choice -- I don't think I would have survived that kind of social event this month. I got in a good talk with him, too, which is something I always like a whole lot. I think that's probably driving the restlessness -- they came home and I just can't get comfortable with the extra headspaces in the house even when they're in the other room.
Asked the Juggler if he'd be amenable to participating in dancing lessons sometime. He has an interesting control/awareness of his body that could make some of the more physical stuff fun if I could manage to soak up the motions myself. I think the Other Woman prefers to monopolise him on that front, though, so I'm not sure it will materialise.
What else? Not much, really. Marson on Otherspace is teaching a MUSHcode class which I've enrolled in. He assures me that even if I miss some of the general class meetings (Saturday nights, when else?) that if I keep up with assignments and personal chat I should pick up useful things. I've always wanted to learn to be useful codewise on a MUSH so let's see if this doesn't soak up some of my free time for a few weeks.
Friskie has come to visit me here and I'm glad. I'm definitely lonely righ tnow and it's good to have her here as a reminder. This isn't a major freak-out lonely, though, just a melancholy distanced sort of feeling -- I don't seem to freak out when I'm here, at least I haven't come close yet. It seems kind of silly, or trivial, to feel that bad beside the things I do have.
I think I'm worried about what will happen when the Exotic gets here, too. I'm feeling less and less like he fits into my life with this lack of communication lately, I'm not sure how to reach him to reconnect and the less I connect the more I worry about what will happen when he's here. He has his tickets, August 6th at 11:30 in the afternoon.
My mouth tastes kind of icky and I'm a little bit cold. It's late, I'm tired. I'd like to do somethign active tomorrow, get back into my body and shake of the over-intellectualising that's keeping me stuck in this mood. Why -should- I feel bad when everyone else is happy? Who gave me the right to spoil their sleep and their peace, and what's wrong with me that I would be, anyhow? Is this a matter of scars and messed-up intimacy patterns from my past, or does everyone feel weird and alienated/outside sometimes?
I guess I want to feel like someone would miss me if I were gone and I don't, righ tnow. I feel like q faceless interchangeable part in the machine -- as opposed to an indespensible part of the web. We all have these off moments and this one will be gone by sleep (do we all? Does it matter?) so I'll contemplate that sleep and see what I can do to get more comfortable.
Thanks for listening. Somehow it helps, a little -- not the people reading, but just that there's something to fomulate this stuff to besides myself. When I was little I used to believe that there was a Watcher, something that observed the entire universe inside and out, and I'd narrate stuff in my head to it. This is kind of similar. It's an old soothing habit, I suppose, and not a young one.
Take care, and may you be sleeping well right now.
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-17 12:09 am (UTC)Yes, it is a beautiful trip, and can be a lot of fun, but it is a pain in the ass to get there (2 ferries -- 'nuff said). I've done it many times.
I'd really like to have the pleasure of taking these two to their first SCA event, but it might be best initially if it was something local that we can day-trip. *Then* I'll take them to Clinton War ;-)
no subject
Date: 2003-06-17 08:49 am (UTC)If I was really concerned about it, there are many many methods to obfuscate that information anyways
I agree though, something local and non camping based would be best to ease them in. Best not to frighten off the new people before they learn to love it and realize how much fun it all is.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-17 04:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-23 05:03 pm (UTC)