greenstorm | More medical stuff

So I went in to the doctor on Thursday. I'd been planning to walk in, since I knew she was working the walk in that day, but when I showed up with a bunch of papers they said normally walk-ins don't fill out paperwork but they had an appointment with her that afternoon that had just opened up. So, I went home and came back at 2:30 with a bunch of papers: my summary of symptoms by order of priority and what I'd tried and what I wanted to try next, a work form for a sick note, the article my counselor had sent me for GPs managing autistic clients that talks about comorbidities etc, and... um, something else which I've forgotten, which is why I make lists.

We had an hour to catch up on the last 6 months, decide what to do next, fill out the form, etc. Obviously we did not get through it all. I went in with the intention of taking some time off work. Long story short:

I've stopped taking the vyvanse and I can think more clearly, I need to nap every couple hours, and I have more frequent episodes where I can't move or talk, or where I get stuck and can't task switch but I no longer have super intense suicidal ideation

I've reduced the sertraline and it might be helping me to think a little better, though I still need to rest in between and I have a limited amount of thinking time a day

I'd been going in to the doctor originally because I needed to manage meds for suicidality but since I figured out that one on my own it's now what I am tentatively thinking is autistic catatonia? It's super weird to come across lists of "symptoms" and realize that most people don't have most of them most of the time. I felt that way when the covid checklist came out, and it just keeps rolling into more and more things.

Anyhow, doctor seemed concerned about the thing where I can't move, very concerned about sui stuff, and agreed I should take some time off work. Now I need to do work. Most other folks have been like, oh yeah, we have trouble getting out of bed sometime too, and this is not that, so it feels good for someone to take it seriously. Anyhow.

She's referring me to a psyichiatrist since in the north we now have access to public psychiatrists via telehealth, though it's going to be a crapshoot whether they just assume that people who look like women are all BPD and can't be autistic.

She wants me to see a neuropsych person but that's a psychiatrist referral. She says it likely takes 2 years to get in unless I can do it privately. I haven't looked up the cost yet but likely $4kish?

She's taken the thinger on autistic folks for bedtime reading

We forgot to go over weird liver results from my last blood test

I'm unclear if I need a referral to a neuro-optometrist person or not or if she will remember to do that but I need to look into whether I can self-refer and whether my health insurance covers it since I'll be down in Vancouver in a couple weeks. I suspect my health insurance will cover 50% up to $750 which is probably not something I can swing right now, unfortunately.

I'll be at 3/4 salary while I'm off work, actually probably less because pension, union dues, etc come out in a flat rate, and my credit card and line of credit are both maxed out right now, so that's pretty scary.

There's lots of good news though, starting with the "you need to be dead" voice/feeling being pretty much gone since I stopped the vyvanse. That is *huge* obviously.

I've been managing to run the dishwasher once a day because the cats need clean bowls to eat out of, but all other cleaning has been off the table. This morning managed to wash the downstairs sofa for the first time in awhile (Solly gets pretty muddy and goes on it) and sort of clean my pottery area a little.

I put the handles on some pottery two days ago, it's been a long time since I had energy to work on that sort of thing at home.

4/7 house animals went in to the vaccine clinic yesterday. Some hadn't seen a vet since 2018. It completely flattened me for several hours and used everything I had -- I didn't even have energy to make tea and breakfast until after it all, and after a nap. But: cats all microchipped finally, treated with a tapeworm-inclusive dewormer that we're not allowed to get over the counter here, Thea got her vaccine boosters thank goodness, and all the animals hated it but were pretty good about it and have somehow already forgiven me. Thea went in a carrier in the back of the truck and didn't even throw up! She also did well on leash and appreciated three people all petting her at once, and she tolerated a little puppy running up to her very well. Somehow she is officially a senior dog now, eep. Let me tell you though, three yowling cats in the truck at once is a sound I won't soon forget, and I learned that Demon can jump over a door with a standing start. Like, a door door. This goes under health stuff because their health is my health and because literally they kept me alive over the last months, and no doubt will do so again.

I've had the energy to text a little more with partners and friends, though nowhere near enough for a call yet apparently.

I even had the energy to open my mail and see the furikake Josh sent me, which will be nice and easy on rice, or rice and salmon.

I'm starting to think about writing up the ad for the pigs, about taking the last couple weeks of garbage to the dump, and maybe even vacuuming. Not there on any of them yet, but it has at least crossed my mind.