Home Again, Home Again
Oct. 3rd, 2004 08:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI'll be spending tonight at home. Don't get too shocked now, it has to happen sometimes.
After a day of cocooning and sex (more about NRE stage two below, but I'll warn you) I managed to make it home for six. I did a bit of housework, changed the girlies' cage (poor girlies, so neglected) and make some more progress on arranging my room. My room! :)
Placement of lamps is occurring, and soon two of the three beds will be useable (yes, there are three beds, two queens and a single/double/little one whatever it is in there). I did my first load of laundry here. The plants are finding space. I'll need to put up some shelves and do some picture stuff.
Mom got her boat moved the other day, so I now live in her neighborhood. It was a pretty cool move, because the engines on that boat are really messed up. One of them got stuck in reverse at one point, the other would barely give power-- and of course we only learn that partway out of the slip when we're crashing into the pier. I really admire mom, though, because she manages to get the boat, all in one piece, plus me and my brother and the Juggler and my brother's girlfriend all across and into the slip on the other side that we needed, without collisions, with tons of little pleasure boats around, without resorting to tugging it with the (new zodiac!) dinghy. And, she does it with a smile, admitting that she's terrified.
I have the best family ever, actually.
Juggler called me today to make dates for next week. It was quite amusing, because I'm not sure he's done that before. He took up two of my slots (heh) and two good ones. I realise that I'm kind of afraid of scheduling right now, given the fallout from the quad thing (everything fell apart when Mouse realised she couldn't spare Chris the two nights I wanted from him, I think).
I got to talk to Tillie briefly today, which was cool. It doesn't take long to sort of miss my friends, especially with this whole big thing happening around me. I'm hoping to get a hold of Ellen at some point, but I do know she's busy, so till I do I'll just miss her and hope no parents/bosses are getting her too upset.
I've been off Chia for awhile now, since I don't have internet on my own computer here yet. I miss people there too, it's funny how much sometimes. Events, I don't miss so much. My chars are fine without me. I miss the people, though.
I'm taking up napping in public parks recently. It feels very subversive: sleeping during the day + sleeping at all (nasty sinful indulgence!) _ using public space + being in a vulnerable position in a public space. Go me. It's cool.
I also need to unpack more. There are boxes of my neat stuff that I miss, like my japanese tea set. I have two-- heh, I think my dishes will colonise Chris' place pretty fast. He's all about shallow bowls and that sort of thing, where I'm a latte mug and huge bowl person.
Speaking of him...
I'm into phase two of NRE. That's the really intensely fragile-feeling phase, where my emotions are all over the place and I feel like a paper-thin piece of sheet glass. It's the place where, when you concentrate, you can almost feel (excuse my imagery) the souls pairing up, and it's awfully scary. I've only really really been here with two people before, Kynnin and Jan. Juggler is not that kind of available, and he never will be to me-- I don't think it has anything to do with his committment to Mouse even, he's just not like that.
I often say I'm not a romantic, and on the whole it's true, but right now I very much am. And, you know, that's okay. It -is- scary, though. You know that whole flurry of feelings that stretches out forever into the future? I have that now, the intimacy of the moment and of spoken and physical communication, yes, and the numinous sense of someone new, yes, plus the desire for that transcendant familiarity that comes from reading while someone plays on the computer for a couple of dozen years.
Unlike ever before, this is intensely scary. That longterm craving has never come to me before after something longterm has gone bad, obivously. Now I think, wow, Jan and I wanted this same thing. Kynnin and I had it. Juggler has vowed never to promise it. And... this person might be offering it? It seems so incredibly unlikely, you know? Especially with all the other weirdnesses, like identical birthdays and the fact that my name is composed of the first names of two of his exes. And... I dunno. Overuse of the emotional faculties. Makes them raw.
It's good, though. I do end up getting what I need, done. I'm learning to plan around my poor ability to leave his house if he's sitting around in a bathrobe (how do you leave someone sitting around in a bathrobe?) and I haven't got too jittery about time yet cause he wants to see me as much as I want to see him. I don't know how I can convey exactly what's going on, but it's good. People need to meet him. He plays that game that Ellen and Adrian like... ;)
Mmm. Make my bed, and sleep in it, now, after a bit of reading. T'care.
After a day of cocooning and sex (more about NRE stage two below, but I'll warn you) I managed to make it home for six. I did a bit of housework, changed the girlies' cage (poor girlies, so neglected) and make some more progress on arranging my room. My room! :)
Placement of lamps is occurring, and soon two of the three beds will be useable (yes, there are three beds, two queens and a single/double/little one whatever it is in there). I did my first load of laundry here. The plants are finding space. I'll need to put up some shelves and do some picture stuff.
Mom got her boat moved the other day, so I now live in her neighborhood. It was a pretty cool move, because the engines on that boat are really messed up. One of them got stuck in reverse at one point, the other would barely give power-- and of course we only learn that partway out of the slip when we're crashing into the pier. I really admire mom, though, because she manages to get the boat, all in one piece, plus me and my brother and the Juggler and my brother's girlfriend all across and into the slip on the other side that we needed, without collisions, with tons of little pleasure boats around, without resorting to tugging it with the (new zodiac!) dinghy. And, she does it with a smile, admitting that she's terrified.
I have the best family ever, actually.
Juggler called me today to make dates for next week. It was quite amusing, because I'm not sure he's done that before. He took up two of my slots (heh) and two good ones. I realise that I'm kind of afraid of scheduling right now, given the fallout from the quad thing (everything fell apart when Mouse realised she couldn't spare Chris the two nights I wanted from him, I think).
I got to talk to Tillie briefly today, which was cool. It doesn't take long to sort of miss my friends, especially with this whole big thing happening around me. I'm hoping to get a hold of Ellen at some point, but I do know she's busy, so till I do I'll just miss her and hope no parents/bosses are getting her too upset.
I've been off Chia for awhile now, since I don't have internet on my own computer here yet. I miss people there too, it's funny how much sometimes. Events, I don't miss so much. My chars are fine without me. I miss the people, though.
I'm taking up napping in public parks recently. It feels very subversive: sleeping during the day + sleeping at all (nasty sinful indulgence!) _ using public space + being in a vulnerable position in a public space. Go me. It's cool.
I also need to unpack more. There are boxes of my neat stuff that I miss, like my japanese tea set. I have two-- heh, I think my dishes will colonise Chris' place pretty fast. He's all about shallow bowls and that sort of thing, where I'm a latte mug and huge bowl person.
Speaking of him...
I'm into phase two of NRE. That's the really intensely fragile-feeling phase, where my emotions are all over the place and I feel like a paper-thin piece of sheet glass. It's the place where, when you concentrate, you can almost feel (excuse my imagery) the souls pairing up, and it's awfully scary. I've only really really been here with two people before, Kynnin and Jan. Juggler is not that kind of available, and he never will be to me-- I don't think it has anything to do with his committment to Mouse even, he's just not like that.
I often say I'm not a romantic, and on the whole it's true, but right now I very much am. And, you know, that's okay. It -is- scary, though. You know that whole flurry of feelings that stretches out forever into the future? I have that now, the intimacy of the moment and of spoken and physical communication, yes, and the numinous sense of someone new, yes, plus the desire for that transcendant familiarity that comes from reading while someone plays on the computer for a couple of dozen years.
Unlike ever before, this is intensely scary. That longterm craving has never come to me before after something longterm has gone bad, obivously. Now I think, wow, Jan and I wanted this same thing. Kynnin and I had it. Juggler has vowed never to promise it. And... this person might be offering it? It seems so incredibly unlikely, you know? Especially with all the other weirdnesses, like identical birthdays and the fact that my name is composed of the first names of two of his exes. And... I dunno. Overuse of the emotional faculties. Makes them raw.
It's good, though. I do end up getting what I need, done. I'm learning to plan around my poor ability to leave his house if he's sitting around in a bathrobe (how do you leave someone sitting around in a bathrobe?) and I haven't got too jittery about time yet cause he wants to see me as much as I want to see him. I don't know how I can convey exactly what's going on, but it's good. People need to meet him. He plays that game that Ellen and Adrian like... ;)
Mmm. Make my bed, and sleep in it, now, after a bit of reading. T'care.
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Jiggedy jig
Date: 2004-10-04 10:53 am (UTC)Sucks - Adrian and I passed through that phase some time ago, with an agreement that we can only hope to deal with issues as they come up, and try and work things through in order to keep our relationship stable and happy. You never know what might happen in the future to complicate your life, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't live.
Be happy - you're allowed :)
Sorry I got your message *way* late - I was in and out of the house all weekend, trying to get things sorted out. It looks like a robbery has taken place in my apartment right now, with furniture, boxes, dishes and piles all over the place!