Wow.

[greenstorm]

Incoherent rant, profanity and sex:

I'm a letter on the internet.

Need to stay a little removed from this one. For some reason I'm shaking.

I think most of you know what I mean, please. I don't know that I want to link it here.

Some comment about unprotected community posting in poly?

*weak chuckle*

Something about control of secondary relationships over primaries? Something about being veto'd two months ago and being told it would be 'a whole new relationship' when it started, that everything that went before wouldn't count, and now this? Something about asking for info on how I should have sex outside the group for a fucking year and a half and then deciding to figure things out on my own and, only afterwards, being told, no, that's not acceptable? There was never an agreement, because there was no, no, no outside input at all, there was only me advising him about what would happen -before- it happened and him kinda shrugging. For a year and a half. Something about a bunch of people I know knowing this person and being able to confirm relationship stuff that he tells me? Something about, you're not losing out on unprotected sex with him but I was told, no unprotected sex with him unless I was -mono- with my -secondary partner-... fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm sorry, whatever, I keep going back and adding to this paragraph and I'm upset and will stop now. No, I am not being terribly cautious. No, I am not breaking agreements.

But, perspective says: he's not telling me any of these things. Therefore, they do not need to exist in my world. Juggler's not my problem. I won't take this back to him. The goal of civil communication will be made infinitely harder, but eh. That's the only thing that will effect me and him. I was getting too happy, right? We need crisis.

Breathe, Greenie. Breathe.

He's married to her, you're not.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/polyamory/1188491.html , then, by the way.

Comments

[echo2oak.livejournal.com]

Wish I could be there to massage your neck and shoulders now, darlin. What a way to find out about an issue that directly affects you, but in a way that you can't respond! Talk about a conflict between OOC and IC. *hug*

Here's to hoping communication gets /better/ not worse over the next few days.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Her and I communicate so poorly (why the relationship is over) that I don't think any communication on this issue would be a good one. I'm kind of thinking that it's my own issue: I need to get better at not letting her doing her stuff bother me, cause after all she only made an lj post. But yeah, a shoulder massage would be beautiful. ;P

And of course, I could respond, and have, in a forum I hope she won't read-- I could have done the retaliatory-post thing, but... well, at least I have some sense.

I could post in shitty_advice, the lj community, though... :>

Stepping Into It

[echo2oak.livejournal.com]

At the risk of 'stepping into it' from this /very/ outside perspective, it seems to me that Juggler is the one having communication problems. 'Tis sad that you and she aren't able to communicate with each other, since in the perfect poly world you'd be able to, even if you two weren't dating. But I have to admit, from either side of this equation it seems that the Translator of Needs between the you and she isn't doing anyone any favors by not being clear, either about your needs, her needs, or his needs, other than laying down/transmitting ultimatums.

It sucks darling, and I'm sorry.

Re: Stepping Into It

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Good: he's not transmitting any ultimatums to me.

Bad: he's not transmitting anything else to me either.

It's been a problem for a long, long time though. He needs a long time to think through his stuff (which does mean it's well thought out, but also means he doesn't like doing it cause it takes lots of time and work) and ...well, both Mouse and I have tended to move pretty fast for him.

Re: Stepping Into It

[echo2oak.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* Yeah, I tend to set Hubby's head a'spinning too. Mebbe it's a guy thing *wink*

Re: Stepping Into It

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Opposites attract? :>

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

communication, in general, sucks. especially when everyone appears to have very diffrent communication styles.

all that can be done is to be clear from now on about expectations and limits, and to stick to 'em...

good luck....

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Clear about expectations and limits. Sigh.

I think I'll need the luck. :/

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Clear about expectations and limits. Sigh.

Well, the least you can do is be up-front with your own, no matter what other people do.

Sometimes I think most of life is about dealing with expectations and maintaining boundaries.

Re: Stepping Into It

[hedge-knight.livejournal.com]

*cough* *cough* eh ahem?

^_^

that said, i've found that the spead of movement is not usually the problem. rather the willingness to communicate...communicate something. even if that means fucking up now and then. many of us fear making a mistake more than staying silent... and that is, of course, the biggest mistake...

ah well, i'm learnin' ^_^

take care greenie. it may or not be your pile, but i'm confident you can get past it fine.

luck to ya'
hedge

Re: Stepping Into It

[echo2oak.livejournal.com]

*eyeshift*cough*

Ahem...yes...well..*blush*

Not all fellows have issues with communication.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

I'm catching up on posts after a weekend of moving and hauling and eating at other peoples' houses....I *so* did not want to read that you're having problems again, hon. Can I suggest you look at the positives in your life and let them eclipse this other tired, stuck-in-a-rut relationship for now? If things get sorted out with the Juggler, that's cool. For now, you have other happy things to deal with.

Hugs.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Hugs. :D

[silverseastar.livejournal.com]

I did tell her I thought there was overreaction, but hey, I never heard a thing back. I didn't know she hadn't communicated stuff to you at all!

*hugs*

[devi-sage.livejournal.com]

Wow... Greenie. :( I do know what you mean about "too much happiness, now where's the crisis?" But what an absolutely crappy way to find this out. *hugs big*

[saxifrage00.livejournal.com]

For the record, I'm happy for your new relationship. I think I commented something to that effect before. I'd like to meet him some time.

On a different note, I don't think communication has been enough or clear. I'm sufficiently insulated that this is easy for me, at least, to take in stride. From my end of the broken telephone, I see people freaking out about a hasty and dangerous decision, while from this here end I hear that people are freaking out about a well-reasoned and risk-managed decision.

I don't think that's a difference of perception, I think that's a communication breakdown—the important details never got received/delivered.

If it's just a communication breakdown, it's something that can be avoided in the future. How is a very good question.