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greenstormA couple of months ago I had a list of criteria for the next person I dated. This person would not be married/in a primary relationship, wouldn't be younger than me, would have a good busy life, would not be in the games software industry, etc... but one of the things on the list was, they wouldn't be new to poly.
Now, whoever's in charge of things heard me making that list and decided to have a little fun with me. Semantically, I got what I wanted with every item on the list except that he's technically younger than me by about fourteen hours *he talked to his mom and discovered this). What I didn't get was someone with good poly experiences, or someone who's comfortable with it yet. Now, he does have some pretty important traits that'll get him there, such as honesty both with himself and with me, and he's (how to put this) level-headed in that he's got a sense of perspective on the whole thing. Still...
So the meeting happened, and that's good. It took a bit of decompressing for Chris after that, which is fine. I didn't have a chance to talk to Juggler after, though-- I'll call him today, but I feel bad not being there for him too right afterwards.
I'm carrying around this feeling like it's already over with Juggler. I hate it.
I'm also... I don't know, I'm feeling ragged around the edges. I don't know if that's fall, if that's spending so much time here, if it's just the Big Change that's happened lately, if it's not seeing Juggler, if it's not seeing my friends much, if it's the recent bout of sickness, if it's the hormones wearing off... or if it's none of that. I don't feel like a strong person right now, though.
Granted, it is six am.
Now, whoever's in charge of things heard me making that list and decided to have a little fun with me. Semantically, I got what I wanted with every item on the list except that he's technically younger than me by about fourteen hours *he talked to his mom and discovered this). What I didn't get was someone with good poly experiences, or someone who's comfortable with it yet. Now, he does have some pretty important traits that'll get him there, such as honesty both with himself and with me, and he's (how to put this) level-headed in that he's got a sense of perspective on the whole thing. Still...
So the meeting happened, and that's good. It took a bit of decompressing for Chris after that, which is fine. I didn't have a chance to talk to Juggler after, though-- I'll call him today, but I feel bad not being there for him too right afterwards.
I'm carrying around this feeling like it's already over with Juggler. I hate it.
I'm also... I don't know, I'm feeling ragged around the edges. I don't know if that's fall, if that's spending so much time here, if it's just the Big Change that's happened lately, if it's not seeing Juggler, if it's not seeing my friends much, if it's the recent bout of sickness, if it's the hormones wearing off... or if it's none of that. I don't feel like a strong person right now, though.
Granted, it is six am.
