Fortuitous Post
Jan. 8th, 2005 03:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI haven't had much interest in the lj poly community recently, but this got posted: http://www.polyfamilies.com/misanthrope20050108.html . Now while the 'be your own primary' advice is old as the hills, there were a couple of good bits of phrasing in there this time around.
Some quotes:
Now, if there's anything that is core to me, it's that if experience whacks me on the nose, I change my opinion. Yes, it takes experience to do it. You can't tell me anything! But, yes, I can learn.
...
Do you have a social circle that does not depend on any of your loves? Do you have interests that you share as well as interests you don't? Are you confident that if something happened and you found yourself alone you could still build a good, healthy and happy life? If not? Don't feel bad about it. Our culture is not geared to training people to be that self-sufficient. So, don't feel bad. But do work on it.
...
It's a lot easier to be loving when you're not scared of loss. You'll be able to give your partner freedom without being threatened. You won't say yes to things that make you resentful. You'll find it easier and less threatening to say yes to your partner's wants and needs. You'll be able to forge an excellent relationship between two (or more) independant and strong people, and yes, you'll find it immensely fulfilling to have those relationships. You just won't be dependant on them. This is not to say you'll be tepid about relationships or not care. I mean, if I lost a partner would it hurt and totally suck? Ummm...
Yeah!
...
It's a good and fairly relaxed place to be.
Some quotes:
Now, if there's anything that is core to me, it's that if experience whacks me on the nose, I change my opinion.
...
Do you have a social circle that does not depend on any of your loves? Do you have interests that you share as well as interests you don't? Are you confident that if something happened and you found yourself alone you could still build a good, healthy and happy life? If not? Don't feel bad about it. Our culture is not geared to training people to be that self-sufficient. So, don't feel bad. But do work on it.
...
It's a lot easier to be loving when you're not scared of loss. You'll be able to give your partner freedom without being threatened. You won't say yes to things that make you resentful. You'll find it easier and less threatening to say yes to your partner's wants and needs. You'll be able to forge an excellent relationship between two (or more) independant and strong people, and yes, you'll find it immensely fulfilling to have those relationships. You just won't be dependant on them. This is not to say you'll be tepid about relationships or not care. I mean, if I lost a partner would it hurt and totally suck? Ummm...
Yeah!
...
It's a good and fairly relaxed place to be.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-09 09:58 pm (UTC)If i was left totally alone, emotionally, i know i would survive - no problem. But can i support myself financially? No. I have been a stay-at-home-mom for so many years, i can't count them (though i did work before kids and while my first born was a baby). That is one of my biggest fears and what makes me so dependant on my (soon to be ex?) husband and my current partner.
But yeah. I like the idea. Thank you for bringing it to light. :)