Still Alive.
Jun. 24th, 2003 05:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormYup, I'm still here, kind of. Lonely, afraid, confused, but still here. Need to finish talking with people about what relationship stuff, exactly, is okay to post on livejournal, so I'm sort of shutting down until that's resolved.
And? Yeah, there is a bunch of stuff I'm trying to gather the shreds of my courage to bring up. I'm scared of defensive reactions and I don't feel like I have the ability to cut through them. I'm tired of bludgeoning people until they shut up and listen, and there doesn't seem to be too much other way to do it sometimes. Just depressed? Just in a bad mood? Maybe. We'll see when it comes up. I'll process a bit and then try and find some time to bring it up with people.
What else? Nothing's inspiring much enthusiasm now, but I'm looking forward to going home and tending my garden. I'm looking forward to a rest, although I'm not sure what exactly that will entail. I'm looking forward to seeing the roses we planted here bloom, possibly to popping by Estrellada's place next Wednesday night if she's amenable and I can find a way in (hah, livejournal instead of communication, there you go).
I found some places in the front to plant roses even before the hedges come out. I really need to shear the box hedges, which aren't coming out.
I feel like a shattered sculpture. Need to rebuild expectations.
I wish I could figure out how to let/get people to help me with this. It always seems to just get in the way more, though.
Well, there's sunlight upstairs. Off to stop thinking for a bit and see if I can't enjoy it.
And? Yeah, there is a bunch of stuff I'm trying to gather the shreds of my courage to bring up. I'm scared of defensive reactions and I don't feel like I have the ability to cut through them. I'm tired of bludgeoning people until they shut up and listen, and there doesn't seem to be too much other way to do it sometimes. Just depressed? Just in a bad mood? Maybe. We'll see when it comes up. I'll process a bit and then try and find some time to bring it up with people.
What else? Nothing's inspiring much enthusiasm now, but I'm looking forward to going home and tending my garden. I'm looking forward to a rest, although I'm not sure what exactly that will entail. I'm looking forward to seeing the roses we planted here bloom, possibly to popping by Estrellada's place next Wednesday night if she's amenable and I can find a way in (hah, livejournal instead of communication, there you go).
I found some places in the front to plant roses even before the hedges come out. I really need to shear the box hedges, which aren't coming out.
I feel like a shattered sculpture. Need to rebuild expectations.
I wish I could figure out how to let/get people to help me with this. It always seems to just get in the way more, though.
Well, there's sunlight upstairs. Off to stop thinking for a bit and see if I can't enjoy it.
