How I'd Like to Die by David McFadden

[greenstorm]

Whimsical, not morbid. :)


I'd like to be swallowed alive by a giant anaconda
and the poor thing would have to lug me around itside it
until there was nothing left of me
but a small pearl of wisdom.

I'd like to whip out a knife and stab myself to death
while delivering a sentimental speech at a family reunion,
the knife a magic one handed down generation by generation
from neolithic times and to be used only
for circumcision and severing the umbilical cord.

I'd like to drown while frolicking with nuns
in a private swimming pool
filled with warm tapioca pudding.

I'd like to be sitting in the lotus posture
in the centre of a totally dark and silent room
until everything became so still
there'd be no need to draw another breath
and I'd have to be buried in a pyramid-shaped box
with a pleasant look on my face
and no signs of rot having set in.

I'd like to starve to death
while managing a busy and successful delicatessen.

I'd like to be hanged
for attempting to assassinate Hitler.

I'd like to be machine-gunned while trapped in barbed wire
at Dieppe, seasick, drenched, in 1942,
along with all the other guys
from the Royal Hamilton Light Infantry.

I'd like to die laughing in the front row of the Bloor Cinema
during the rabbit-hunting scene in Rules of the Game
with my friend Christopher at my side, embarrassed,
pretending he didn't know me.

I'd like to meet, by chance, my mystical twin soul,
someone to whom I'd be so attracted and who
would be so attracted to me
that our hearts would stop
and our souls would lift off into angelic realms.

I would not like to die in a nuclear holocaust.