In There Somewhere.

The right thing to do always occurs to me. I just don't always do it. Sometimes I don't realise it's the right thing to do. Sometimes greed, or laziness, or actual lack of ability keep me from doing it. It's probably the latter less often than I'd like to think.

Tonight is a good example of that sort of thing. My gut instinct spoke up a good couple of times and I ignored it, thinking that if I stuck my nose in the air and didn't look down I could run fast enough to outdistance the stuff I saw coming. I couldn't. I didn't really think I could, anyhow -- I just didn't think. I didn't sit down and wonder, where is this feeling come from and should I really follow it up?

There are definitely choices to be made about which parts of the outside world I can keep up with and which I can't. I can't do it all. I can't do it all. And I think I'm doing a lot, lately?

Is it okay to focus on some stuff and let other stuff slide?

Will it be okay?

Another Morning

Well.

Morning again, and everything's ended up being... mostly okay? Last weekend was idyllic, so as TOW said stuff built up. Unfortunately there's a lot of my stuff built up there, and I need to put a bunch of work into this relationship stuff right now.

Luckily the apartment stuff is all done and signed, so that's just a matter of moving the stuff. So, back to two important things to be doing.

It's also not summer anymore. It's cold when the sun goes down, in the mornings, and in the shadows. Good running weather - you go outside and you have to run or freeze. ;) Thinking about doing some gardening this weekend, since there's actually some stuff to do involving cutting back and turning two beds back by the blueberries. I may even stuck my roses in the ground there for the winter. :)

I'm doing a lot of thinking -- about how sex works for me (about 50% of it seems to involve habits of some kind or another, so when I'm in a situation where I can't fall back on any habits it gets scary/tense), about what's important to me in my relationships, about how my identity as an individual fits into the close relationships that I have, about what I value in myself, about how I think about how my mind works. There's a lot of thinking to do, but in this case it's almost enjoyable. There's other stuff interspersed, there are people to talk to...

And I'm drinking my tea with honey and lemon instead of sugar and milk, and thinking about socks, and looking forward to exploring the shops within walking distance of the new apartment. Today it feels like I'm six again, where the world is a series of things that happen and no one overwhelming part of it draws my attention away from the others. Today I'm not floating around preoccupied, and it's good that way.

Winter is definitely on its way.