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Oct. 12th, 2004
Over The Bump
Oct. 12th, 2004 10:56 amI'm over the emotional bump now, and everything is once again in perspective. After all, nothing has actually changed. It's amazing how strong my first reactions are, which then dissipate into pretty much nothing.
The decision between Chris and I to be primaries and all the rest was done in full knowledge, after all.
And look, it's sunny out.
Jeh. Sometimes I wonder about myself, emotionally. Cause... it was a really big deal, and I knew from experience that it wouldn't be for long, and lo! It really isn't. :/ I'm so reactive.
The decision between Chris and I to be primaries and all the rest was done in full knowledge, after all.
And look, it's sunny out.
Jeh. Sometimes I wonder about myself, emotionally. Cause... it was a really big deal, and I knew from experience that it wouldn't be for long, and lo! It really isn't. :/ I'm so reactive.
It's sunshiny out.
I'm still over the bump. It's good.
I am dating someone who is not dating Mouse! That's... a surprising relief. T'was funny, this morning as I'm going through my dramatic phase and explaining that she does this too, he says: you know, I'm starting to have empathy for the Juggler. I used to be a bit apprehensive about him, but now... And I said: yeah, that's why I try to be gentle on him. Cause he's caught between the two of us. Through choice, but still.
It lets me talk without 1) fear of hurting someone and 2) fear of being steamrolled over by: yeah, well, Mouse says and thinks this so you should be more sympathetic.
Guess what? There are other things in my life too. I'm woefully uncaught-up.
I've had two lovely thanksgiving dinners. One was at home, with Troy and Nina (made by Troy and Nina, with a whole bunch of people here and many desserts) and it was very family-feeling and just kind of nice. Kynnin, Mouse, and Juggler were here, bringing creme brulee, Sandy and Jess were here, and I haven't seen them for a long time, Andrew/Breklor was here... I kinda wish Chris had been well enough to come, but he wasn't. In fact, I left his house to come here, ate dinner, and went back, and he didn't realise I was gone he was so dead asleep.
The next was at Chris' house, with his parents and relatives and brother and such. That was a little bit weird, but I do like his mom and brother, so...
I've been thinking a little bit about the ways and the kinds of things we trust, because I've been looking at this fluid bond thing with outside eyes. I'll say right now, I'm not particularly comfortable with everyone knowing about it from this source, but it's a very tiny discomfort. Anyhow, it's interesting to think about, because... what I'm trusting isn't 'luck', it's that this person that's known Dawn, Mark, and Ray for a number of years is trustworthy when he says that he was tested during his last monogamous relationship, as was she, and he hasn't slept with anyone else since that time two years ago. What I'd be trusting otherwise is that he was honest about the results of the current test. One 'seems' a lot more tenuous, but it is definitely something to think about.
I'm hoping Juggler is doing okay. I'm kind of torn... I want to call and make sure he's fine and all that, but at the same time I worry about it being a strain on him if he's going through stressful stuff at home. I guess I should always ask.
It's funny, my relationship with him actually encouraged tons of insecurities that I need to get rid of in the new one. For instance, with Chris, chances are that he wants me to be around if he has time. With Juggler, chances were he was doing it cause he thought it would please me and did enjoy it, but wasn't really hooked on the idea. I need to act differently based on that, even-- one of them cares if I'm late, and such.
I'm currently testing the fishtank that Juggler and I made the other day. It didn't leak obviously, so it's sitting a bit to be sure it doesn't seep.
And... I'm off to visit mom and my Aunt Rita in a bit. Strange to be home during the day.
I'm still over the bump. It's good.
I am dating someone who is not dating Mouse! That's... a surprising relief. T'was funny, this morning as I'm going through my dramatic phase and explaining that she does this too, he says: you know, I'm starting to have empathy for the Juggler. I used to be a bit apprehensive about him, but now... And I said: yeah, that's why I try to be gentle on him. Cause he's caught between the two of us. Through choice, but still.
It lets me talk without 1) fear of hurting someone and 2) fear of being steamrolled over by: yeah, well, Mouse says and thinks this so you should be more sympathetic.
Guess what? There are other things in my life too. I'm woefully uncaught-up.
I've had two lovely thanksgiving dinners. One was at home, with Troy and Nina (made by Troy and Nina, with a whole bunch of people here and many desserts) and it was very family-feeling and just kind of nice. Kynnin, Mouse, and Juggler were here, bringing creme brulee, Sandy and Jess were here, and I haven't seen them for a long time, Andrew/Breklor was here... I kinda wish Chris had been well enough to come, but he wasn't. In fact, I left his house to come here, ate dinner, and went back, and he didn't realise I was gone he was so dead asleep.
The next was at Chris' house, with his parents and relatives and brother and such. That was a little bit weird, but I do like his mom and brother, so...
I've been thinking a little bit about the ways and the kinds of things we trust, because I've been looking at this fluid bond thing with outside eyes. I'll say right now, I'm not particularly comfortable with everyone knowing about it from this source, but it's a very tiny discomfort. Anyhow, it's interesting to think about, because... what I'm trusting isn't 'luck', it's that this person that's known Dawn, Mark, and Ray for a number of years is trustworthy when he says that he was tested during his last monogamous relationship, as was she, and he hasn't slept with anyone else since that time two years ago. What I'd be trusting otherwise is that he was honest about the results of the current test. One 'seems' a lot more tenuous, but it is definitely something to think about.
I'm hoping Juggler is doing okay. I'm kind of torn... I want to call and make sure he's fine and all that, but at the same time I worry about it being a strain on him if he's going through stressful stuff at home. I guess I should always ask.
It's funny, my relationship with him actually encouraged tons of insecurities that I need to get rid of in the new one. For instance, with Chris, chances are that he wants me to be around if he has time. With Juggler, chances were he was doing it cause he thought it would please me and did enjoy it, but wasn't really hooked on the idea. I need to act differently based on that, even-- one of them cares if I'm late, and such.
I'm currently testing the fishtank that Juggler and I made the other day. It didn't leak obviously, so it's sitting a bit to be sure it doesn't seep.
And... I'm off to visit mom and my Aunt Rita in a bit. Strange to be home during the day.
