When I Started

this journal, I used to be really wordy. I also was more contemplative, and I felt safer in the space -- only Breklor read it, for one.

Lately my thinking has been less clear, and I also have a larger group of readers.

Another thing that I've noticed, reading back, is that I was essentially stuck in a rut for awhile. There are some commonalities between my issues then and now that I don't want to keep; there are other issues (especially boundary issues) that I'm much better at.

I'm still not very good at writing about the good stuff that happens to me, perhaps I'm even worse than I used to be with my imagist tendancies somewhat defeated right now. Granted, a lot of the good stuff lately is interpersonal. That's hard to write about; to say, Juggler and I chatted about nothing much, or Chris turns to preserve the spoon in his sleep and he has a death-grip, or we seem to be pretty good at fighting reasonably, or... I don't know, for me the reason interaction with other people is wonderful is because it's a web, with every piece in context, and without that the individual moments don't tend to mean much just to state them.

Another good, big part of my life is sex right now, and that's a bit scary to write about as well. For one, it's a little scarier-good than sex has been before with me; until recently I'd never slept with someone who was in any way, shape, or form afraid of sex at any time in their life. There's a lot of stuff to muse over there, but it's not my stuff to put here, really.

I do want to find out where, exactly, female ejaculate comes from in the body. I mean, that's a lot of liquid. :/ Need to talk to Troy and Nina about those rubber sheets.

I guess what's happened too is that my life isn't full of sweeping Grand Importances anymore, but only little things: tea with Alan, discovering a new restaurant, visiting a pet store and seeing glassfish (which are cool), the price of peanut butter cookies when made with all-organic ingredients, my constant desire to wash the floor here while I end up being distracted by Chris' presence, Caramel being a brat... I think my life is pretty 'normal' in intensity levels right now. I tend to catapult myself up and down anyhow, because I'm not roleplaying much (shared-computer issue) but not about too much in a meaningful sense, so there's nothing to write about here.

I don't know. Bigger things exist, but in slow-motion. I want to go back to school, and learn more about created ecosystems/permaculture. I want to go back to school, and learn to get my hands dirty in the more practical ornamental horticulture aspects of landscaping. I want to build myself a garden, somewhere, that'll keep (maybe a community garden?) and maybe a bit of a garden in Chris' backyard. I want to take a practical-making-things class, cabinetry or another pottery course or something. I want to volunteer for Our Community Bikes.

Those are more important things, moving a little more slowly than the daily trickle of tiny space-fillers, but as yet there's not much to say on them.

I'm not being as creative as I usually am, and I think I'm begining to feel that. Hm.

Well, it's a good morning, and good to be talking with you in a state of relative angst-free-ness. Have a good day. :)

Oh, Wait...

So Wik and Cristin are married now. I realised that building a good, lasting monogamous marriage is a pretty subversive thing to do nowadays. In a single stroke you're taking up arms against the cult of individuality (if I eat carrots instead of celery for her once then I'm less of a person because I'm submerging myself in her tastes), against sex as currency (we won't talk about where marriage comes from, just agree with me on that), for larger kin-structures, for shared livingspace within kin structures... I dunno, there's something attractive to me about the idea of family, as opposed to individuals bound only by cobwebs moving around through the world. There are, of course, other ways to do that, but an actual marriage that lasts does seem to be one. Fascinating.

And... have fun, guys. :)