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Role Models
Apr. 5th, 2013 06:12 pmWell. I found a role model. In the last day or two I've been reading a webcomic, Girls With Slingshots, and in it there's a loving, plant-loving person who ends up in effectively a poly relationship. She likes sex. She is essentially a main character, with human issues.
Do you know, guys, I don't think I've ever looked into any face, fiction or non, that could have been me. I haven't had many, or maybe any, friends where I've looked at their life and thought it could be a guide or template for my own except in narrow bands, or incidental details. And I have only rarely felt like anyone else had any real idea of what I wanted in my life, or thought that what I wanted was both ok and understandable. I've always felt like the leader or the trailblazer. Blazing trails gets tired.
So I've dropped out of blazing trails. I dropped out of creating the sort of plant business I'd want to be part of, I even functionally dropped out of poly for the last while, because envisioning the thing and then creating it whole cloth was too much for me.
Now-- do you know what it feels like to have stories that are similar to what you want, that you can follow, but where you are not the only person in them? To have someone else blaze a path and think, I can follow this a little bit?
I feel changed, like my heart was retroactively broken through all those years and is knitted now. I feel like maybe it's okay to look more closely at what I want, because it's not such a complete affront to the universe and everything in it to want what I want.
Oh lovelies, this is a hard time for me. With spring here I'm happy again, but I'm trying to shape my life, and it's hard.
You know, I've never read a graphic anything before except for Watchmen, which I did after I watched the movie?
Here are bits I want to remember:
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws1535/
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1270/
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws425/
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1386/ http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1387/ http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1388/
Do you know, guys, I don't think I've ever looked into any face, fiction or non, that could have been me. I haven't had many, or maybe any, friends where I've looked at their life and thought it could be a guide or template for my own except in narrow bands, or incidental details. And I have only rarely felt like anyone else had any real idea of what I wanted in my life, or thought that what I wanted was both ok and understandable. I've always felt like the leader or the trailblazer. Blazing trails gets tired.
So I've dropped out of blazing trails. I dropped out of creating the sort of plant business I'd want to be part of, I even functionally dropped out of poly for the last while, because envisioning the thing and then creating it whole cloth was too much for me.
Now-- do you know what it feels like to have stories that are similar to what you want, that you can follow, but where you are not the only person in them? To have someone else blaze a path and think, I can follow this a little bit?
I feel changed, like my heart was retroactively broken through all those years and is knitted now. I feel like maybe it's okay to look more closely at what I want, because it's not such a complete affront to the universe and everything in it to want what I want.
Oh lovelies, this is a hard time for me. With spring here I'm happy again, but I'm trying to shape my life, and it's hard.
You know, I've never read a graphic anything before except for Watchmen, which I did after I watched the movie?
Here are bits I want to remember:
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws1535/
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1270/
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws425/
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1386/ http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1387/ http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1388/
