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And She Waiting
Oct. 15th, 2013 05:06 pmI've been beset by flashes of an odd feeling lately: not quite at loose ends, not quite bored, but waiting. I have a million things I'd like to do, that I would quite enjoy, but instead of actually doing them I find activities to kill time (and no, not just the internet). I wonder if it's just my organizing-mind burnt out from work and extra-busy scheduling, so I have no energy left over to schedule my solo time?
I had a truly lovely weekend surrounded by all sorts of folks. Now I feel the need for quality time with myself, not just waiting but doing unconstrained by the thousand subtle pieces of compromise and sharing that happen when others are around. I need to put myself in experimental space, to stretch, to challenge. I don't do that with people much except maybe with climbing. I do it alone, subject only to my own judgements.
What does my list of desirable things look like? Perhaps just writing it down is the first step.
o fix pottery wheel & get clay
o brewing 8 top up kousa wine & rack *apple-juniper wine (or cider, for Dec 7 party?) *sweet mead *another (stronger?) batch of graff to be ready for Dec 7 party?
o sewing *stripy skirts *bloomers *stretch long tops
o knitting *cast on in the round (armwarmers)
o biking *scout a 10k loop from my house
o foraging *find a chickweed patch by my home *chestnuts?
o body *I want to climb, actually, but it's annoying to do so before I move. Running? Yoga?
o costuming for Andrew's memorial & wine & cheese
Hm. I'm noticing my enthusiasm for cooking is waning again, and I'm really not up for gardening much right now, though design is fun. I'm probably pretty burnt out in general. It seems like there are some changes afoot at work but it's hard to see how that will fall out in the longer term. My bosses really, really want to keep me, it seems.
Oh well. Take your changes a few at a time, Greenie. Don't look too far down that road.
I had a truly lovely weekend surrounded by all sorts of folks. Now I feel the need for quality time with myself, not just waiting but doing unconstrained by the thousand subtle pieces of compromise and sharing that happen when others are around. I need to put myself in experimental space, to stretch, to challenge. I don't do that with people much except maybe with climbing. I do it alone, subject only to my own judgements.
What does my list of desirable things look like? Perhaps just writing it down is the first step.
o fix pottery wheel & get clay
o brewing 8 top up kousa wine & rack *apple-juniper wine (or cider, for Dec 7 party?) *sweet mead *another (stronger?) batch of graff to be ready for Dec 7 party?
o sewing *stripy skirts *bloomers *stretch long tops
o knitting *cast on in the round (armwarmers)
o biking *scout a 10k loop from my house
o foraging *find a chickweed patch by my home *chestnuts?
o body *I want to climb, actually, but it's annoying to do so before I move. Running? Yoga?
o costuming for Andrew's memorial & wine & cheese
Hm. I'm noticing my enthusiasm for cooking is waning again, and I'm really not up for gardening much right now, though design is fun. I'm probably pretty burnt out in general. It seems like there are some changes afoot at work but it's hard to see how that will fall out in the longer term. My bosses really, really want to keep me, it seems.
Oh well. Take your changes a few at a time, Greenie. Don't look too far down that road.
