Daily: fragments/back together

Apparently I'm the person in the neighbourhood to call if you have extra ducks. Someone is going to drop off some either east indies or Cayugas this weekend. Figures.

I've never had proper stitches before. I was able to take the bandage off and shower finally, and I don't quite understand by looking how it all goes together. The stitches themselves are maybe 4mm to the outside of what must be the actual wound, pulling it tight so the flesh between mounds up. Then the actual slash of the wound is not visible, it looks as if the cut was curled under and the top part of the skin was pressed together.

In short, I have no idea whether it is actually for real going to impact my tattoo. When I took a look at it before they stitched it up it seemed to run right through the text, but now I just cannot tell at all.

It does feel very very odd. It does not like me to stretch or bend, and even being upright for long periods of time makes it sore. Luckily I get to go to the field with summer students tomorrow. Should be distracting.

Anyhow, I don't know if this tired is my body trying to heal fast or just the result of decreasing my pills, which were definitely a stimulant. And, if the latter, whether it's a withdrawal thing or just a return to baseline.

I feel much less likely to leave my car electronics turned on for several days with this doseage, but no more likely to be able to use language when I need it or think through an idea when the tired hits. It's something, at least.

I've been collecting stories of autistic folks with this particular kind of tired as a burnout, so that's something else. It doesn't seem entirely uncommon. On the other hand I haven't asked any of them if it maps with their hormonal cycles. I'm definitely hoping the gynecologist can try some stuff before I move on to the next thing.

In completely different news, I went into the office today and had a face to face (while standing out next to the lake in the sunshine and wind) chat with my boss. We spoke for maybe an hour and a half? I suspect that's contributing to my tired. There's something about the folks at work here that are just much more draining than, well, my previous job or the people I choose to spend time with. I guess that makes me normal? I just haven't had this experience before.

Work is still trying to sort out how much work from home will be allowed after Sept 7. Until that's all sorted we are assumed to be going back to the office full time then. There are two possibilities for remote work: 1-2 days per week, which requires authorization from the top folks at the district, and 3-5 days per week, which requires authorization from the top folks in the North. The top top folks need to sort themselves out and give direction to the local top folks who then need to sort themselves out and give direction to us. Then we need to fill out our paperwork and get it signed off before anything can take effect.

Really curious where this will go. My current job isn't really portable -- I legitimately need to be in the field in this specific place sometimes -- but it has implications for the rest of government too. Assuming a move I'd definitely like to end up either working physically or remotely, or ideally a combination of both. Going in to an office in order to do something I could do at home is not at all appealing.

For the big moving search, a couple likely properties have come up but they're going fast and I don't think A&E are quite prepared for that speed yet. It's more likely they'll sell first and be able to come up with the millions in cash that one needs to buy in that market (seriously, multiple bidders with no condition of financing for places well over a million and closing on two million is... my brain doesn't do this. I honestly cannot imagine living in that world). For the smaller search we're coming more into accord on what we want, but because it's potential fallback option it's more looking and discussing than it is an immediate issue.

Lots of odds and ends.

Daily: fragments/back together

Apparently I'm the person in the neighbourhood to call if you have extra ducks. Someone is going to drop off some either east indies or Cayugas this weekend. Figures.

I've never had proper stitches before. I was able to take the bandage off and shower finally, and I don't quite understand by looking how it all goes together. The stitches themselves are maybe 4mm to the outside of what must be the actual wound, pulling it tight so the flesh between mounds up. Then the actual slash of the wound is not visible, it looks as if the cut was curled under and the top part of the skin was pressed together.

In short, I have no idea whether it is actually for real going to impact my tattoo. When I took a look at it before they stitched it up it seemed to run right through the text, but now I just cannot tell at all.

It does feel very very odd. It does not like me to stretch or bend, and even being upright for long periods of time makes it sore. Luckily I get to go to the field with summer students tomorrow. Should be distracting.

Anyhow, I don't know if this tired is my body trying to heal fast or just the result of decreasing my pills, which were definitely a stimulant. And, if the latter, whether it's a withdrawal thing or just a return to baseline.

I feel much less likely to leave my car electronics turned on for several days with this doseage, but no more likely to be able to use language when I need it or think through an idea when the tired hits. It's something, at least.

I've been collecting stories of autistic folks with this particular kind of tired as a burnout, so that's something else. It doesn't seem entirely uncommon. On the other hand I haven't asked any of them if it maps with their hormonal cycles. I'm definitely hoping the gynecologist can try some stuff before I move on to the next thing.

In completely different news, I went into the office today and had a face to face (while standing out next to the lake in the sunshine and wind) chat with my boss. We spoke for maybe an hour and a half? I suspect that's contributing to my tired. There's something about the folks at work here that are just much more draining than, well, my previous job or the people I choose to spend time with. I guess that makes me normal? I just haven't had this experience before.

Work is still trying to sort out how much work from home will be allowed after Sept 7. Until that's all sorted we are assumed to be going back to the office full time then. There are two possibilities for remote work: 1-2 days per week, which requires authorization from the top folks at the district, and 3-5 days per week, which requires authorization from the top folks in the North. The top top folks need to sort themselves out and give direction to the local top folks who then need to sort themselves out and give direction to us. Then we need to fill out our paperwork and get it signed off before anything can take effect.

Really curious where this will go. My current job isn't really portable -- I legitimately need to be in the field in this specific place sometimes -- but it has implications for the rest of government too. Assuming a move I'd definitely like to end up either working physically or remotely, or ideally a combination of both. Going in to an office in order to do something I could do at home is not at all appealing.

For the big moving search, a couple likely properties have come up but they're going fast and I don't think A&E are quite prepared for that speed yet. It's more likely they'll sell first and be able to come up with the millions in cash that one needs to buy in that market (seriously, multiple bidders with no condition of financing for places well over a million and closing on two million is... my brain doesn't do this. I honestly cannot imagine living in that world). For the smaller search we're coming more into accord on what we want, but because it's potential fallback option it's more looking and discussing than it is an immediate issue.

Lots of odds and ends.

I am already here

Harvested the first of the grain.

Hordeum nigrinudum barley from PR seeds was ripest and I couldn't dent it at all and which the voles left alone, but all 5 were well into the hard dough stage: faust from Ellen, previously via Salt Spring Seeds and which voles liked; Excelsior from Salt Spring Seeds and which the voles absolutely devastated and which also tasted pretty good during the ripeness test; Arabian Blue also from salt spring seeds; and purple dolma barley from the experimental farm network and which the voles really left alone.

Prelude wheat from PR seeds was undentable hard and nice and tall, the heads were beginning to bend. Ethiopian Blue Tinge wheat from salt spring was surprise ripe, at least it was in the very firm dough stage and difficult to dent. It grew closer to knee high, like barley, while the other wheats grew more like shoulder high.

I also harvested most of the bouchard soup peas since the pods were yellow and various levels of deeply wilted and dry/papery. They were in the ground exactly 3 months.

Ceres might be ready soon.

I'm pretty sure there's ergot growing on my triticale! That's... something to think about.

They're in my house drying, all of them, some in brown paper bags and the three bigger harvests (purple dolma and the wheats) in cardboard boxes.

I went out originally because someone on the forums was asking something about uniformity or what they looked like and I wanted to take pictures for her. Then I realized the voles were making serious inroads on my barley and the wheat was ripe, so... I cut it and brought it in.

Do you know those moments when you fit so well and so perfectly into the world that nothing else can possibly have space to feel bad? That feeling of bliss where there is nowhere to go but down, but it doesn't matter because it's just so good in that moment? The feeling of completion where there's no seam between you and the entirety of what is supposed to be? The times when you are given more than you could ever need until it lifts you, like water lifts you, stealing all the weight of everyday? The world-stopping moments when you know you are fully loved, right down to your core and without room even for the shadow of a doubt?

These couple hours of tasting and taking pictures and cutting stalks with my hand-shears and disentangling stalks of different kinds of grain: this is what I was made for. I am so lucky to get to do it.

Edited to add: I somehow forgot to mention just how beautiful these grains are. Hordeum nigrinudum is a two-row awned barley: it looks like a children's drawing of grain but in a dark midnight purple, two short rows of grains in a neat plane on either side of the stalk. Excelsior and purple dolma have marbled green/beige and purple leaves and husks; purple dolma has rather disorganized looking seed-heads like a quick linework sketch while excelsior has rows that wrap around the head and husks that part slightly to reveal very uniform glimpses of shining dark purple-almost-magenta-but-too-dark kernels against the matte husk. They're beautiful. There's nothing better.