It Begins/The Wheel Turns

Today was warm enough to get the snowblower working. One of the issues was that its oil was only good down to -20C, so when I tried to start it at -30C it was basically sludge. There was also a lack of fuel stabilizer and old oil, but I had to run it for a bit to get the oil to pick up all the little metal bits since I hadn't changed the-- well, anyhow. It was warm enough to get the snowblower working.

I expected it to get up to -5C today and to be working on the snowblower, so I woke up and luxuriated in being in bed for awhile. Wood on the fire, find some clothes, and I got outside as it was getting properly light, about 9. It felt different out. The snowblower started prety quickly and while I was running it I took water to the geese, then checked the temperature.

It was 1C. It was above freezing!

Suddenly the snowblower was much more important. When the snow thaws and refreezes it becomes basically impossible to move and I had a lot of snow to move. Luckily with an oil change and enough time to work a new tank of stabilized fuel through it the machine was working. I spent an hour and a half muscling it around, getting it stuck on the pig hill, trying to figure out how to move snowbanks that were twice as tall as the machine. It was lovely and sunny and warm. When I came in for lunch and tea I realized I'd stepped out just to see if I could get it working and hadn't actually put on a shirt under my light jacket before starting work. I could hardly hold the phone because of vibrator-hands.

After a break I went out again, took a video for the youtube site, fed the animals, and got back to work. I widened a path to the back chicken coop -- and incidentally the truck canopy-- that I think the truck can fit back through. I did the driveway outside the gate and may have got two cars'-widths inside the gate. I unburied most of the trailer and the 4runner. The dog paths were impossible to move since they were roughly three feet of snow compacted into six inches. Without chains on the snowblower tires I slipped and had to near-carry in a couple places. Still, I got a lot done. I also managed to shake the snow off the cedars and clear most of the snow off the deck before I realized it was 4:30 and still basically light. In fact the sun is only down now, at 5.

The outside tap got thawed yesterday and I re-dug a path to it. There was actual water beading on the wire fence and the south side of the shed. It was so warm I took my toque and gloves off and never did put on a shirt. The long cold was a very serious hibernation, a hunkering-down and surviving. Today is the beginning of waking up.

I'm not saying it won't get cold again before spring. It will: a crust will form on the snow, the dogs will try and get out on it, I'll need to problem solve, a super cold snap might still happen, the truck may still get stuck in some of this loose weird snow-over-ice. At some point rivulets will start running down the driveway and I'll need to direct them away from the carport. I'll come close to running out of wood and the blanket of snow on the roof will come off and the house might get a little chilly. I need to get several tons of snow off the deck. But. Still.

Spring will come.

Now where can I find some good LED grow lights?

It Begins/The Wheel Turns

Today was warm enough to get the snowblower working. One of the issues was that its oil was only good down to -20C, so when I tried to start it at -30C it was basically sludge. There was also a lack of fuel stabilizer and old oil, but I had to run it for a bit to get the oil to pick up all the little metal bits since I hadn't changed the-- well, anyhow. It was warm enough to get the snowblower working.

I expected it to get up to -5C today and to be working on the snowblower, so I woke up and luxuriated in being in bed for awhile. Wood on the fire, find some clothes, and I got outside as it was getting properly light, about 9. It felt different out. The snowblower started prety quickly and while I was running it I took water to the geese, then checked the temperature.

It was 1C. It was above freezing!

Suddenly the snowblower was much more important. When the snow thaws and refreezes it becomes basically impossible to move and I had a lot of snow to move. Luckily with an oil change and enough time to work a new tank of stabilized fuel through it the machine was working. I spent an hour and a half muscling it around, getting it stuck on the pig hill, trying to figure out how to move snowbanks that were twice as tall as the machine. It was lovely and sunny and warm. When I came in for lunch and tea I realized I'd stepped out just to see if I could get it working and hadn't actually put on a shirt under my light jacket before starting work. I could hardly hold the phone because of vibrator-hands.

After a break I went out again, took a video for the youtube site, fed the animals, and got back to work. I widened a path to the back chicken coop -- and incidentally the truck canopy-- that I think the truck can fit back through. I did the driveway outside the gate and may have got two cars'-widths inside the gate. I unburied most of the trailer and the 4runner. The dog paths were impossible to move since they were roughly three feet of snow compacted into six inches. Without chains on the snowblower tires I slipped and had to near-carry in a couple places. Still, I got a lot done. I also managed to shake the snow off the cedars and clear most of the snow off the deck before I realized it was 4:30 and still basically light. In fact the sun is only down now, at 5.

The outside tap got thawed yesterday and I re-dug a path to it. There was actual water beading on the wire fence and the south side of the shed. It was so warm I took my toque and gloves off and never did put on a shirt. The long cold was a very serious hibernation, a hunkering-down and surviving. Today is the beginning of waking up.

I'm not saying it won't get cold again before spring. It will: a crust will form on the snow, the dogs will try and get out on it, I'll need to problem solve, a super cold snap might still happen, the truck may still get stuck in some of this loose weird snow-over-ice. At some point rivulets will start running down the driveway and I'll need to direct them away from the carport. I'll come close to running out of wood and the blanket of snow on the roof will come off and the house might get a little chilly. I need to get several tons of snow off the deck. But. Still.

Spring will come.

Now where can I find some good LED grow lights?

Showing Up

I've been showing up for myself emotionally for a long time; we've had that advice to have self-compassion, to be kind to ourselves, and that is a significant part of my practice. I'm good at it. I've kept this journal for over twenty years; this journal is a significant way I show up for myself.

Lately though, I'm learning to show up for myself in the ways I want someone to show up for me, in the ways I'm not good at, in the messy ways I envy that long-married couples do. I'm learning to struggle for myself in ways I'm not good enough but trying anyhow. I'm learning to fail for myself and try again and get it and be ok or a little below average but still do the thing for myself because I want someone to do the thing for me. I show up in ways I don't love for myself. I'm showing up because showing up to do something hard is service and I am worthy of my own service.

I am worthy of my own service.

And I'm showing up to do it.