Showing Up
Jan. 10th, 2022 06:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI've been showing up for myself emotionally for a long time; we've had that advice to have self-compassion, to be kind to ourselves, and that is a significant part of my practice. I'm good at it. I've kept this journal for over twenty years; this journal is a significant way I show up for myself.
Lately though, I'm learning to show up for myself in the ways I want someone to show up for me, in the ways I'm not good at, in the messy ways I envy that long-married couples do. I'm learning to struggle for myself in ways I'm not good enough but trying anyhow. I'm learning to fail for myself and try again and get it and be ok or a little below average but still do the thing for myself because I want someone to do the thing for me. I show up in ways I don't love for myself. I'm showing up because showing up to do something hard is service and I am worthy of my own service.
I am worthy of my own service.
And I'm showing up to do it.
Lately though, I'm learning to show up for myself in the ways I want someone to show up for me, in the ways I'm not good at, in the messy ways I envy that long-married couples do. I'm learning to struggle for myself in ways I'm not good enough but trying anyhow. I'm learning to fail for myself and try again and get it and be ok or a little below average but still do the thing for myself because I want someone to do the thing for me. I show up in ways I don't love for myself. I'm showing up because showing up to do something hard is service and I am worthy of my own service.
I am worthy of my own service.
And I'm showing up to do it.
