![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Jan. 16th, 2023
Only the big battles
Jan. 16th, 2023 12:12 pmI was talking to my counselor today about why I don't like taking difficult-to-achieve accommodations or one-off easings of the rules to make my life easier.
Basically I've been charming, inoffensive, pretty, soft-spoken, non-confrontational, a good worker, and read as female and educated in a lot of situations. That can allow me to get special treatment-- to allow my "quirks" to be accommodated. Sounds fine, right? I'm part of a lot of bad systems, if I get accommodated then I can survive in those systems.
The problem is twofold: one, if everyone who has that kind of privilege chose to take it, and then shut up as payment, the systems will never change.
The other problem is that if someone helps you in such a system they feel good about it. They think, look, my system can accommodate those people. There's no reason to change it. And much as I think it's good for folks to experience helping other folks within the system, I can't. I can't be the figurehead, the token, the symbol of how well the system is doing-- not if it's not doing well.
This is why I'd rather talk to the head of (redacted) organization about how it's hostile towards folks with neurodivergence rather than fight through my office to get personal accommodations in the most broken system.
Then again, my practice these last couple years has been trying to learn to get through things, not by white-knuckling them and making it by the skin of my teeth, but by building a little more ease into things. What would it take not to be in this system and not completely wear out? Does that look like choosing smaller battles? I already feel like I'm choosing my moments.
Basically I've been charming, inoffensive, pretty, soft-spoken, non-confrontational, a good worker, and read as female and educated in a lot of situations. That can allow me to get special treatment-- to allow my "quirks" to be accommodated. Sounds fine, right? I'm part of a lot of bad systems, if I get accommodated then I can survive in those systems.
The problem is twofold: one, if everyone who has that kind of privilege chose to take it, and then shut up as payment, the systems will never change.
The other problem is that if someone helps you in such a system they feel good about it. They think, look, my system can accommodate those people. There's no reason to change it. And much as I think it's good for folks to experience helping other folks within the system, I can't. I can't be the figurehead, the token, the symbol of how well the system is doing-- not if it's not doing well.
This is why I'd rather talk to the head of (redacted) organization about how it's hostile towards folks with neurodivergence rather than fight through my office to get personal accommodations in the most broken system.
Then again, my practice these last couple years has been trying to learn to get through things, not by white-knuckling them and making it by the skin of my teeth, but by building a little more ease into things. What would it take not to be in this system and not completely wear out? Does that look like choosing smaller battles? I already feel like I'm choosing my moments.