Makin the Rounds

[greenstorm]

This link has been making the rounds. Good poly summary. :> Not worksafe, kid safe, any of that stuff. Has volume.

http://www.goodiebag.tv/video/pollywally_qt.htm

Comments

[cz_unit]

Yep, I saw that and was laughing like hell. Still, I do know a number of poly people who consider schedules and where you sit on schedules above everythig else :-)

CZ

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've seen that behaviour-- "and overnight priviliges!" --before. I think, if you feel the need to compare, it's a handy quantifiable thing. Much easier to stack up hours next to someone else's hours than to think, "am I getting what I need here."

[cz_unit]

*nod* That is the real key, the question becoming "am I getting what I need here"

And one of my greatest banes. Being a married guy with two small kids, house, job, etc I don't have a huge amount of time for other relationships right now. And while love may be infinite, time is not.

Still the one thing I do guard heavily is my 4 times a year away long weekends. I need those; be it alone or with someone else. That's the scheduled time for *me*. Alex gets the same.

CZ

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Dating a married Juggler myself (sans kids, thank goodness) and being generally attracted to people with lies -- hobbies and jobs and whatnot -- I went through a period where I confused my own value with how much time someone had to spend with me. It was terribly unpleasant for me as well as everyone else, alas.

Now, there is such a thing as 'too little time for this type of relationship' -- in Juggler's case, for instance, we didn't have time to chat, to fuck, and to have angsty conversations. So I changed the type of relationship in my head. Now we fuck, and chat sometimes. Works well.

I find that setting a boundary for myself about how much time I spend complaining or listening to complaints about time issues ironically frees up a lot of time, and definitely frees up a lot of happiness. When I do get unhappy, a ten-minute rule's great: I will talk about this for no more than ten minutes, then go do something fun with or without a partner. I find myself now skipping the ten minutes of angst in order to get right to the fun stuff.

When I was heavily in demand, before, I didn't handle it too well -- okay, but not too well. Now I have plenty of time to myself. Ish.

[cz_unit]

*nod* Another good point: When a relationship consists of being upset and complaining about time in the limited amount of time you have, it's time to put an end to it. BTDT. Sometimes it does require a shift in what the relationship is, or accepting things for what they are.

And some relationships are brigadoon type r-ships. You see each other once a year or so, talk in the hotel bar, reconnect, and have a delicious weekend. Then when it's over, the island sinks beneath the waves, but the relationship waits till the next time.

CZ

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

I've always wanted to have that kind of relationship, the showing-up, reconnecting, and then just... leaving it behind. Never managed it, maybe because I tend to be very local in my aquaintances.