(no subject)

[greenstorm]

ANGST-FREE RELATIONSHIPS, DAMMIT!

Carry the torch, Greenie. If you don't, not one of those bastards is gonna do it for you.

;D

Comments

[cz_unit]

Mmmm. Bad idea. I've carried a relationship financially and emotionally twice in the past few years. Very bad.

If someone else doesn't want to commit the time, money, or resources then end it.

CZ

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

I meant the angst-free relationship torch, which looks like this: either the relationship is fun, or the relationship is over. I notice people seem very happy to stay in angsty relationships, or to keep the tone angsty if it starts in that way (even if they repeatedly protest they want it happier). So, I'm the only one that can make my relationships angst-free, either by action within the relationship, or action ending the relationship.

Carrying the relationship, period, torch-- I agree with ya.

I found a tendancy in myself, lately, to allow angst to continue again, and remembered yet again that it's so easy to stop that sort of thing. I need that sort of reminder every few months, it seems.

[cz_unit]

Ah ok, I understand. Sorry I twitched there.

What do you mean by angst though; I'm really curious.

Chris

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

*grin*

I love reading your lj, because I get these little there-are-universal-poly-truth thrills from it, but this is the first real test.

You know those conversations that go:

"You never have enough time for me, it makes me feel crappy, you don't love me, insert complaint here."
"I have this other stuff in my life, I'm busy, I do love you, but there's not much I can do about it right now."
"But I hate it"
"But it's not gonna change"
"But I feel bad. We never have time to do fun stuff."
"We could do fun stuff right now."
"I'd rather talk about how bad I feel that we never do fun stuff.
Etc, etc...

That's angst.

So is this one:

"You never do anything fun with me, only with X."
"Well, what do you want to do?"
"You went cycling with X yesterday, and now you're too tired to go with me, we never have any fun."
"Is there anything other than cycling you wanna do?"
"Yeah, I wanna keep complaining about all the things you do with other people that are fun and that we never do them."
Etc, etc.

Well, okay, the conversations don't go exactly like that, but yeah. Traditionally I initiate them, and once you're inside them, they sort of keep going, generally as a rehashing of things that either 1) everyone already knows I don't like, and then things that everyone already knows he doesn't like or 2) are really trivial, and we're just bringing up because we're upset and they didn't bother us at the time, just in retrospect.

That's angst.

Not so much angst in the pejorative sense would be:

"Dude, I feel crappy, choose an activity and let's do it so I'll be distracted."

or

"Dude, I feel crappy, I'm going to cry on your shoulder, then you can feed me ice cream and we'll go straight to the make-up sex."

or

"I feel crappy, let's stare at a movie until it passes."

Mostly, angst to my mind is the type of action/emotional stuff which perpetuates unhappiness.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Wanted to add: no problem with the twitch, it's always good to have the reminder there.