Aha!

[greenstorm]

The difference is, right now my safeguards are external rather than internal. This mean that when I'm exposed to rough stuff, it's harder on me, but that I'm more open to experiences that happen to me in general. OTOH, I tend to avoid experiences because I don't have the 'usual' armoured padding.

I actually like it the other way better, I think, but now I know what's going on. This is why my great reluctance to leave the house is showing up.