greenstorm | Attempts

The thing is, I want to get down what happiness feels like. I want to write it down so that someone reading this can share my experience, can go, oh! That's what she means!

It's such a solid, stable thing. So much of my life has been trying to stand on a board balanced on the head of a pin. This is like standing on a board on the ground. You can't fall, even if you jump up and down.

Things aren't wildly beautiful here. I can walk out under the stars and watch the sun rise and not cry; I appreciate, I'm happy but it doesn't spear into me. There's a glow around almost all the time that I used to only get when I had just spent intimate time with people. It's like not being lonely.

I smile to myself when no one's looking, and I feel the smile on my face. Sometimes I'm embarassed by it.

I don't want to roll in the leaves anymore. Kicking them is enough.

When I wake up and look across the bed at someone, I feel curiosity instead of need.