Learning To Breathe

[greenstorm]

Ohhhh, man.

That was an interesting couple of days.

I did the friends circuit, which was great. It was good to get to see everyone and nice to talk to so many different people in such a space of time. It left me feeling very floaty, though, not really connected to anyone in particular -- something which didn't seem to be a problem at the time, but hey.

Last night was a little weird, after dropping the Exotic off at the airport and I'm not sure what else. This morning I just completely freaked out.

I woke up with a full-on fight-or-fight adrenaline-pumping feeling which stayed around all morning, until I got myself together and had a talk with the Juggler. I guess the breakup is raising all my weird insecurities in that relationship.

It ended up nicely, I feel much better... and I think I was a lot more stressed than I was aware of. I was absolutely exhausted all day and napped a couple of times. It's only this evening that I've been able to fully wake up, get some dishes done, and turn the music up loud. I forget that stress can do that to me.

I did spend the first couple of days, right up until yesterday afternoon, just soaring. I was really, really happy or maybe joyous is the right word. I thought of you on the bus out to Vancouver, composing an hour and a half's worth of mad raving poetry and whispering it. No one noticed. It probably wasn't very good anyhow, but it was lovely fun to vent that joy.

It's also lovely, not fun but important and healing, to be alone in the house with the Juggler tonight and just have space, to do my own thing without being lonely or crowded. It's nice to think that the two social butterflies of the group are out having a good time and will be back.

It's nice to know that I can cancel plans when I need to and everyone can be happy with it.

Comments

[darthmaus.livejournal.com]

It's nice to think that the two social butterflies of the group are out having a good time and will be back.

Some social butterflies we are! We stayed in Amber's room and, like drug dealers or trap door spiders, lured people in to play Chez Geek.

In response to one of the many inquiries as to where you two were, and I answered "Oh, no, *we're* the social wing -- if you want to talk to the rest of the Collective, you'll have to go through us." Just because I was feeling silly.

;-)

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

It's true, though.