greenstorm | Words.

Where I saw the constellations reveal themselves one star at a time...

http://s21.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1P5CRCOS33MKX18K5C338EWUBP

It was half of a phone conversation: Yo. Yo. Yes. Yes. Yes. Let's proceed to the rest of the conversation. Building a kayak or having sex. Does this make me whimsical and interesting? It was *my* half of the conversation.

I think I'm getting bigger. I know I am. Soon I'll be able to encompass my whole past, and what will happen then? Will I *remember* it? Will I cease to exist as a slightly blurred point in time and live along the whole length at once?

This sleep is a little bit inconvenient. It leaves me wondering, irritable, odd. The need to move is like a constant itch under my skin. I can't keep still- Bevan and I walked and walked and walked today, and that was after a day on my feet for work. I need to have a home that's a home to me. I need more sex and less time hurrying. I need noise and silence, not this in-between state. All this can be done.

I had the most interesting experience today. I was posessed by myself-as-a-twelve-year-old. I always liked who I was then; I'm rusty at being that person again. I've achieved my five-year-old self, I've incorporated that person. Now we look back to the person I was just before the hard part of life came down on me, that fragile idealistic wide-eyed girl who cried at the moon and tangled herself up in ideas like the meaning of life. I'm so resilient now, it's unbelievable, and I can never go back in that way. Still, there were some things that I will reclaim.

It's a joy to do this. I mean, I don't need to worry about holding onto the things I've leanred; they're a part of me. So, I can dive in and explore.

http://s21.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0LQAPBHI79QJU2S99NEB7GMFIN

Words.

e.e. cummings says:
Humanity i love you

Humanity i love you
because you would rather black the boots of
success than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarrassing for both

parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard

Humanity i love you because
when you're hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you're flush pride keeps

you from the pawn shops and
because you are continually committing
nuisances but more
especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it's there and sitting down

on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity

i hate you

Those are words. I keep saying, I don't usually like him but--. He captures moods well. I miss Graham. I'm in love with my life. I can smell chai. There will never be another second like this one, nor like this one, nor like this one...

Mindfulness is important to me. It's replaced analysis as The Important Thing. I'd rather be aware of what I'm doing than why I'm doing it.

Lately, I am mindful.