Windstorm

[greenstorm]

Here I am, at peace again. For the longest time I was irritable, spiky, comfortable nowhere and almost with no one as well. Perhaps it's because I've eaten enough calories for a couple of days in a row now, perhaps it's because the cold outside and the wind that goes with it makes me appreciate the warmth of people and homes. Perhaps, too, it was two very hard ten hour days put in at work so I can have a good long weekend now; working hard always makes me happier. Perhaps it was seeing my family last night. Perhaps it's the hormonal soup that is my mood. However it fell out, I feel cozy and content for the most part.

Oddly enough, although Graham is quite far away right now and I haven't seen him a bit, I feel especially close to him. I'm not used to feeling content in this sort of a situation. Perhaps I'm finding my faith; I never did have faith that people wouldn't abandon me before. Now I expect that he'll come back when that whole sad business wraps up, and perhaps he'll want some space for a little while or perhaps not, but eventually I'll have my boy back in my arms making dry comments on The State Of The World. It's not that everything will be fine when that happens; it's that everything is fine now, because that will happen soon enough.

I've *already* got Juggler back. He had a college friend over for a week or so, and I didn't see him much in that time, and spoke less. I had the same sort of stability through that, and now I get to spend some time with him alone. It's good.

I'm not like this. It's crazy, in a good way.

I'm moving Wednesday; c'mon down and help if ya want. Got the pickup truck booked.

In August I've got time off work for Shambhala. See you there. ;)

Comments

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

What time are you moving? I'm not home until 2-2:30

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

All day. I should get the keys from you early.

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Right. if I see you Sat, it could happen then. Or Monday.

You coming out tonight? fucking with VHS is occuring.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

Sat sometime.

Shambahla

[kurrs.livejournal.com]

Discussions are occuring regarding feasibility. Tim may have had wrong information, it seems that a slight extra fee means we can camp there on the 9th which would be really fucking sweet as it would mean we can set up early and I wouldn't have to drive all night and not sleep.

In short, the posibility of me asking you to get the 9th off as well may exist (if we're driving up on the 9th-day). Not certain yet, but I want to keep you up to date.

There may be some "tipi goes first, others go next" going on, but it hasn't been decided. It is still a long way away and lots of other things (like getting the Tipi poles) need to be sorted out before I know what's going on.

Re: Shambahla

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

It sounds like that may not be a problem.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_greenwitch_/]

I know what you go through with the 'I expect people to abandon/disappoint me' attitude - that has been tough for me to work through with Adrian. He wonders why I don't feel the same stability that he does, and I point out that I went through three other ltrs that ended, having thought at the time they started that they were solid and real. It's been difficult for me to *not* be expecting things to fall apart and I'm trying to retrain myself. Talking to him about his taking on other partners only serves to undermine my feelings of safety.

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

It's not so much an attitude as an emotional entrenchment-- and to be fair, they never really have deserted me without extreme provocation or the like. So...